Unanswered Prayers

Why is it that I seem to want to write more when I'm sitting in a hotel room? It's not like I'm doing anything differently than I would be at home... perhaps it's because Ender is in the same room and I can't talk on the phone or really do anything else that may make noise. When at home, I usually will do the house work before sitting down to watch TV. Right now the only thing I can do is type (which makes a little noise) and watch TV because his playpen is pretty close to the sink so I can't exactly do the few dishes that need to be done... so here I am ;)

As I was driving yesterday, the song “Unanswered Prayers” by Garth Brooks came on. When I was younger, I didn't really like the saying “the man upstairs.” I found it disrespectful and rude. This is not to say that I like the saying more now than I did then, that's not the case. I guess I just better understand why people call Him that now for some reason. At any rate, I started thinking about the concept of an “unanswered prayer.” I've come to the realization that this statement is an unfair assessment of not getting what you want. Just because we didn't get what we asked for doesn't mean the prayer wasn't answered.

I equate this to my relationship with Ender or any parental relationship for that matter... just because a child asks for something, does not necessarily mean that he or she will get what they asked for – or even immediately. Right now I am trying desperately to teach Ender patience. He asks for something and expects to get it right away. I try to appease him as best I can, but sometimes I am doing something and I can't give him what he wants. His latest thing is wanting to be held while I cook. Sometimes I can hold him, but other times, I need both of my hands! He screams and cries and I do what I can to console him, but it's tough...

So how must Heavenly Father feel when we throw a fit or write a song about not getting what we want? I realize that most adults don't scream and cry just because they don't get what they want right away, but this song really strikes a chord with me. It makes me think about my attitude and how I react to things, but mostly it reminds me that Heavenly Father wants what is best for us, just like we do for our earthly children. I know that my Heavenly Father loves me. I know that he wants what is best for me and my family. I know that sometimes it takes patience and acceptance before I can get what I want and/or need. Does this knowledge make things easier? Not really, but it's a comfort to know and understand these things because someday, I will be okay with these concepts. Right now, it's nice to contemplate the theory of my acceptance. ;)

Journey Home

The events of today have been pretty crazy to put it mildly. It started off as a really good day. I set off from the hotel, got breakfast and fuel for me and headed home. The truck was running great and while Ender wasn't sleeping like I had hoped, he was in a decent mood, as usual. We were about 3 or so miles south of Wilkes-Barre when I heard this pop. Initially I thought that maybe something in the bed had settled or that maybe I had hit something or something had hit me without realizing it. The car behind me slowed down and put on their hazards, so I thought the best course of action would be to pull over to check on the truck. I walked around the back, checked all of my cargo, nothing looked out of place. So I thought it best to check the tires because as I neared the side of the road, it started driving funny. The passenger side looked fine and upon rounding the back quarter, I found the culprit – my back tire had blown out. I started FREAKING OUT... internally of course, but still...

I called ScottE right away. I do know how to change a tire but I was sure that we didn't have a jack or a lug wrench in the truck. I had no idea what I was going to do because I knew that he was at least a couple of hours away, plus he still had a site to complete. He decided to call our buddy Greg who is a tow truck driver. A few minutes later he called me back and said that Greg was actually on his way south and that he was just north of Wilkes-Barre which made this difficult situation a bit easier to handle.

I got instruction on how to lower the spare so that I had something to do while I waited to be rescued. Plus I knew that Greg was doing us a monstrous favor and I didn't want to take more of his time than was absolutely necessary. I got the spare lowered and tried to get the hook off so that it would be ready upon Greg's arrival. Not ever having removed a spare from a pick-up truck, I had no idea how this device worked!

So I went back into the truck and called ScottE, again. He explained it to me and suggested that I extend the wire all the way out so that I could pull the spare completely out from under the truck and then remove the hook. After a lot of finagling, I was able to get the spare out and ready.

I think that had I just sat in the truck it would have seemed like an eternity for Greg to get there. Fortunately, I had something to do. After I finally got it done, in no time at all, my hero arrived! I was sitting on a two-lane stretch of the turnpike and traffic wasn't all that heavy but rather disrespectful – most of them refused to get into the left lane, even when there was plenty of time and space to do so. Greg was flabbergasted.

In what seemed like 5 minutes, the tire was off and replaced, something I totally would have been able to do had I had the proper equipment... but after we got the spare on and synched down, we realized we had another problem – there wasn't enough air in the tire! Normally Greg would have just used the chuck on his tow truck, but apparently it is not currently in working order. Fortunately there was enough air in the spare for me to limp the truck the 2 miles up the turnpike to the nearest exit and the 0.5 mile or so down the ramp to the nearest gas station. However once we got there, we found out that their compressor wasn't working because of the cold. Greg bought a little air pump that plugs into the cigarette lighter. It took a little while but we were able to get air in the tire so that I could make it home.

And after stopping at Wal-Mart, I did just that.

What did you do today?

Catharsis

Well, well... it's now into February and no blog from the world the Holmans of northeast PA. A lot and yet nothing at all has changed since my last post... Thanksgiving came and went with an air of gratitude and fellowship. Our trip out to California was eventful, slightly stressful, but most importantly a lot of fun. We got to see a lot of people we (or at least ScottE) hadn't seen in some time and ScottE got to spend a lot of time working on cars which is something he greatly enjoys but has very little time to do on a regular basis.

The stressful part came when we were ready to come home... we planned to drive home, in a car that we co-signed for – the current owner is unable to make the payments and is wanting something smaller that gets better fuel mileage – but after a lot of debate was unable to give up the car because she has nothing else to drive. Completely understandable since she is a single mother and needs to work, but the problem was we bought one-way tickets in anticipation of our drive home and she had told us that we could take possession of the car because we had been making the payments for both the loan and the insurance for the past few months. Suffice it to say that we ended up flying home with the promise of delivery of our car within the next few months. We'll just have to wait and see.

I don't know if I've mentioned this at all to anyone, but in November we decided to try to sell our car. Initially I was hesitant because I really like having a car because it makes getting around for just me and Ender much easier. I wasn't ready to give that up so easily, but after much deliberation, we decided it was best for the family in the long run. About a week into 2011, the car sold!! We were kind of surprised but very grateful that the car sold so quickly and easily... we even made a bit of a profit! So we have a car loan paid off and will soon be inheriting another... c'est la vie.

In addition to selling our car, we are planning to buy a 4 wheel drive. We've been having some pretty crazy storms lately and right now we can't even get up our own driveway! It's been a little frustrating and slightly embarrassing, but we are surviving and I guess that is what really counts. ;)

Aside from all of the news about our past and future transportation, things are going relatively well. Ender's vocabulary expands with every hour and he's nearly grown a mouthful of teeth (I think he has 13 or 14 now). He's still not walking which is a bit of a concern but for the most part I'm not worried. He's freaking brilliant and grows smarter everyday. He's learning his colors – he can't yet identify other items but he has several toy balls of different colors and he knows which one is green and which one is yellow. He tries to mimic what we say and his taste buds are developing... he doesn't like hot stuff as much as he used to. He is already beginning to develop the attitude of a 2 year old and he's not even 18 months old yet!!

As it's been said, the only constant in life is change. Things have been changing in my life, some due to my own choices, others due to the choices of those in my life. For the most part, these changes have been positive. I'm really trying to take the baby steps towards making my life what I really want it to be. I know that it's going to take time to establish the habits I want and it's hard to not get caught up in the “all or nothing” mentality and then fall into bad habits. I have good days and bad, but I'm trying and that's what counts, right?

One of the biggest things that I want to work on is writing more. I forget (and I know I say this a lot!) how cathartic it is to sit down and get all of my feelings out in the open. It really doesn't matter if I actually post it to the world or not. What really matters is getting everything off my chest and in the world of a journal or a word processor.

Another thing that I'm working on is losing some weight. I have about 25ish pounds that I would like to lose. I know that so many use the new year to establish new habits, but I would like to think that I have been trying to do these new things throughout the past year and am really wanting this year to be better than the last. I'm looking for healthier recipes and an exercise program that is neither boring nor overly strenuous. I'm also cutting down on my portions and that seems to be helping at least a little. ;) and I'm open to suggestions from anyone...

School is currently on hold because of procrastination on my part. I needed to get some testing done and fingerprints taken and processed. I've gotten the testing done and the kit for the fingerprints has arrived, but I have to go to a certified technician (i.e. the police department) but I have to pay for the processing. It's been a bit of a process, but it's in the works and I'm hoping to be back to school within the month.

I don't know why it takes me so long to sit down and write an update... perhaps because sometimes it feels a bit overwhelming. I definitely will be posting some pictures soon, whether on here or Facebook, I'm not sure yet. First I need to take some pictures! ;) anyway... I'm sitting in a hotel, listening to Ender not take his nap and wondering what I'm going to do to pass the time of today. I'm sure that I'll think of something. I've missed this feeling! (and my laptop ;) )

Healing properties

I am beginning to fully understand the healing properties of water. I have discovered that I drink way too much caffeine and that I really need to start cutting back. I have also discovered that on days when I don't have any, I get a little irritable and very tired easily. I guess you could safely say that I am addicted. I hate feeling like I have to have something, especially a substance of any kind. Realistically, I can quit, but part of me really doesn't want to... however, I am stronger than that! I will cut back drastically for sure. But I'm not sure I will eliminate it completely.

Additionally, I have discovered that I really enjoy drinking water. Days that I go without getting enough I feel... I don't know what the right word would be, but suffice it to say that I notice when I don't get enough. I have also discovered that I don't like the taste when it's out of a cup, but when it's in an Evian bottle... it's divine! =) I'm not sure what it is... maybe the psychology of thinking that it's actually Evian water even though I know it's just filtered from my tap... I don't know! But it's working out well for me! =)

SAHM (or Stay at Home Mom) =)

I read a blog recently that talked about the joys of being a stay at home mom and it got me thinking about the life that I lead. I am pretty happy with how things are right now. I enjoy the time that I get with Ender and how active and talkative he is becoming. It is so awesome to see the changes in him from day to day. I know that it's more difficult because I get to see him everyday and thus don't see the dramatic changes like so many others do. But I get to see the true changes, the discoveries, the epiphanies... the light bulbs =) It is so amazing to watch a child learn and grow.

So, thank you, MaryLynn for the inspiration and well placed ideals!

Writer's induced insomnia

I don't ordinarily blog about my sleeping habits, but last night was particularly difficult. I kept writing all of these different blogs in my head and was unable to clear my head long enough for my body to relax and go to sleep. I'm not sure what's going on... perhaps it was just the fact that it was the first night I had slept without ScottE in some time... or perhaps there is just so much stuff itching to get out of me into the blogosphere! =) Who knows... I guess I'll just have to retest the theory tonight.

I actually got to bed at a good time last night. I was in bed by 10:30 and had the lights out by 11. I was able to wash my face, brush my teeth, read my Scriptures and say my prayers, turn the light out by 11 and it still took me so much time to fall asleep. I chalked it up to perhaps too much caffeine throughout the day (I had a Red Bull and some Diet Mountain Dew because I had a BUNCH of stuff to do yesterday), but then I figured that it had been long enough since my last drop of caffeine that it shouldn't have affected me so much. Was I wrong?? I'm going to do some experimentation and see what helps. Perhaps if I had just taken the time to write out all of the ideas that were roaming around in my mind... I guess I'll try both approaches and see what shakes out. First I will try to not drink as much caffeine, and perhaps get up and write things out. Then I will try just getting up and not adjusting my caffeine intake. Wish me luck! =)

Weekends are tough... at least for blogging! =)

So, I have been way worse about this than I thought I would be. You would think that I could make a commitment for just 3 months, but I guess not! Part of why I don't blog on the weekends though, is because ScottE is gone so much during the week and when he's here we like to spend as much time together. Blogging isn't exactly interaction between the two of us! =) Either way, I will find some way to make it up!

What's been going on, you ask? Well, a lot and yet nothing at all! We got a new desk over the weekend and it is absolutely b-e-a-utiful. It's black and has a shelf for our printer/scanner and gives me more room that I really know what to do with! This is the first desk that we've gotten for a very specific purpose... for school and work orders. It's nice to have something so specific! It's going to take some time to get everything adjusted properly though... =)

I am planning to go out and see ScottE wherever he is working again this week. It's really nice to get that “ScottE - fix” in the middle of the week! I got so spoiled spending so much time with him last week that I don't think I could go a whole week again without seeing him...

Another class is down for me and it seems I still have so many more to go. I just finished a Foundations of Education course and will be beginning Childhood Development next block. I'm looking forward to it, but looking over the synopsis, it appears like it's going to be a lot of work; which is good and bad because a lot of my courses have been pretty easy so far.

In other news, I got my hair cut over the weekend too. I only wanted a bit of a trim, to clean up the ends and help it to grow longer and healthier. My stylist had slightly different plans and took off more than I really wanted her to. She took an inch off of the length and it feels like I'm back to where I was over a year ago. On the plus side, she cut off most of the blonde that I put in nearly 2 years ago! I'm still a little sad but I know it'll grow back... just like the grass... =) lol

I think that's all for now... I will do my best to write some tomorrow! :P