Human Nature?

I’m beginning to wonder if change is really possible. I would surely hope so because I am getting a bit tired of the way life is going right now. I feel I get caught in the same ruts over and over again… I try to find solutions, which work for some time, but then I fall back into old habits and have to start all over again. Why can’t I just make the change and it stick? Why do I have to keep making the same changes over and over again? As usual, my most recent project is trying to maintaining the house and my other responsibilities as the housekeeper. I have a really hard time establishing routines. I think the biggest issue is that I don’t have anyone to be accountable to. I know that keeping a clean house and paying the bills for my boys should be enough to make me get up and walk away from the TV or book or whatever, but for some reason it’s not. I’ve tried rewarding myself with TV time after I get stuff done, but I end up sitting down first and putting my chores off until later. I keep telling myself, “I’ll just do it later…” but then I don’t get those things done!

I’ve also noticed that I build things up in my head. I make it seem like whatever it is that I need to do is going to take me all day – or even more than 5 minutes and so I don’t want to do it right now… and I put it off. When the truth of the matter is, it really wouldn’t take that long if I would just get up and do it. Plus, then I would have more time to do what I want because I wouldn’t be worried about getting the necessary things done! Why can’t I convince myself of this? I know it to be truth! I know that I would only have to work for about an hour and then I could pretty much do whatever I wanted – make some new beauty product, research some new obsession, catch up on blogging, do some writing, watch a movie – whatever! I just should be getting my work done FIRST!!

One of the phrases I’ve had running through my head is to flip my “do it switch” to now – when I think of something to do, say the dishes or putting away the laundry, I should do it right then. No thinking about it, no rationalization of why I should be doing nothing, just do it. Of course this is much easier said than done… I guess I really just need to force myself and as I do so, it will become a habit and then I won’t have to worry about it because I’ll already be doing it! =)

I don’t know if there is anyone else that falls into this rut. The women that I spend time with seem to have everything figured out and are always bustling about doing the things that I should do on a regular basis but don’t, simply because I am lazy and unwilling to do the work that has been asked of me, even though it’s simple. I don’t know if I will ever be as productive as they, but I will definitely try! 

I just need to remember to flip my do it switch and that things never take as long as I think they will. Time to put up some Post-Its!! =) lol

Roadkill and a Novel

It may be a strange thing to think about, but as I was driving today, I couldn’t help but notice the road kill. Out in California, there are always cats and dogs, sometimes you’ll see (or rather smell) a skunk or two, but that’s generally it for the drive-by critters. Out here in rural PA is another story. I often see – deer, skunks, groundhogs, beavers, rabbits, and of course cats and dogs (although dogs, not very often). But today, I saw one of the saddest things. Someone had hit a turtle! It was a pretty big one too. I can’t imagine hitting a turtle. The other day, ScottE saw a small one on the side of the road. After nearly hitting it, he turned around and put it in the bed of the pickup to take to our little Thomas who was overjoyed to have it (it has since disappeared into their yard somewhere). I never thought I would see turtles on the side of the road. Just another sign of how life’s choices can forever change your perspective on life.

Another thing that happened today was my cousin got married!! I am so happy for her because she has found a terrific guy who understands her through and through. I wish them all the best and am hoping to be able to see them when they come to the east coast for their honeymoon ;) lol

At the rate of our procreation (which is at a significant stalemate at the moment), it seems as though our family will not grow to the 5 children we had thought we were planning for. For the most part, I think that I am okay with that because it was my impression that we were going to have that many. My thoughts may change in time (or perhaps Heavenly Father has some different plans for us) but for now, I’m almost resigned to think we will only have 2 or 3. It would make our car buying options a bit more open! ;) lol But the number of children we are going to have is not really the topic at hand… at least not right now. I constantly have a running list of names going through my mind. I don’t know if this is because we are supposed to have a bunch of children, or if perhaps there is a different purpose. After a relatively lengthy conversation with my sister-in-law, Jessica, I think I have decided that part of why I have so many names in my head is because I have a book to write. I have always enjoyed reading and writing but never thought I would sit down and crank out a novel. I am unsure if I will seek publication, but for now, I am content to try to find the story within. I went to Barnes & Noble and picked up a couple of books on writing and I am currently reading one on character and viewpoint development. I’ve considered writing a memoir too, but I’m not sure that will work out for the best. I think fiction is really the way to go for me and I’m actually pretty excited about it! I just need to stay disciplined and block out some time every day to write. If I do that then I know I can come up with some great ideas. I just hope the little man cooperates!

Wish me luck!

A New Process

Yesterday was a pretty good day. I got to run into town and feel accomplished. I participated in my school stuff and got the minimum completed for now. I got inventory processed for ScottE and got to spend time with my boy. I got to watch some cool racing and beautiful men (i.e. Vin Diesel!). I even restarted LOTR, which is always a bonus in my book! ;-) I think that I've finally found a way to write everyday... I know that it won't be fail proof because I know there will be days that I want to write and ScottE will be home or we will be out running errands or something, but I'm taking full advantage of this app! I just discovered a lot of new features. While I don't particularly like typing on my phone (as opposed to using the computer), it's a lot easier because I can more easily put it down and walk away when Ender should need something. He doesn't really like me sitting at the computer much and with how much he likes buttons, it's tough to have him on my lap anymore while I'm trying to work. I think this is a reasonable solution for now ;-)

I started a new blog today for Ender. I think that someday we will look back on it and be very grateful that I did. There is already so much that I've forgotten and he's not even 2! I think this is something I will do for all of my children... I hope they will appreciate all of the work that I put into it for them...

Anyway, now that this is just for me ;) lol... I felt pretty good yesterday. I've been easing into a new diet. I recently tried to do a round of the hcG diet which is great and I lost 11 pounds, but it was way too hard and even easier to cheat. I did really well for the first bit, but lost momentum and felt I couldn't go on. This new diet that I have been introduced to, though, is much more doable... I've just been needing to ease I to it because I have to greatly reduce (okay, eliminate) my sugar intake and there are too many things in the house that are still a temptation. I am slowly eating everything, but I am also trying to eat better all around. More veggies and less processed stuff. The only issue that I have with this diet is that the only snack option it gave for my body type (it's called the body type diet) is a hard boiled egg. I HATE hard boiled eggs!! I'll eat them almost any other way, but NOT hard boiled. I guess I just need to do a little more research to see what other options there are for me. I really think this is going to work for me though! I want to lose about 20 pounds, so it's going to take time, but I'm willing to be patient ;)

Other than dieting, life is good. School is going well. I feel like I'm fitting in with the group that I've been placed with pretty well and my team assignments have been smoother. I'm a little worried about finding a job because the economy is so on the fritz and districts are currently fighting to just keep the teachers they have. Hopefully I'll be able to get my foot in the door somewhere, somehow and something will open up for me.

Until later...

Motorcycles, Daffodils and Physical Therapy

I have had a lot of things running around in my old brain pan... but have not taken the time to write things out like I know that I should. ScottE and I had a stupid fight the other day and I took a bit of time to begin the process of purging my feelings and realized how much better I felt after doing so. I realize this is not always possible as I hate my handwriting and am not always near a computer. My phone is often a great resource, but it is currently out of commission because I am a duffus and updated it without thinking. I am hoping to remedy that soon.

What has been going on with me? you may or may not be asking yourself. For the most part, life has been treating us pretty well. ScottE is currently in Dallas, Texas with Papa Greg to obtain a motorcycle. So, I am here, alone as I so frequently am. Most of the time I don't mind, but over the weekend is unusual. I am coping though.

Spring is in full swing here and the world is green again. A couple of weeks ago, I was privileged to go on a motorcycle ride with ScottE and Papa Greg. We rode down to our old stomping grounds of Mount Joy. It was about a 3 hour trek and on a motorcycle, that's a really long time. It was a very enjoyable time though. Initially it was cold, but eventually it warmed up sufficiently and we got to shed some layers. It is such an incredible experience on a motorcycle. The world looks so much different and you are really able to see things much more clearly. When we went, spring was just getting started and many flowers were in bloom – including two of my absolute favorites, tulips and daffodils. They were so beautiful. I can't wait to plant some around our house!

As we were riding, I kept thinking about this time when I was in junior high. My mom spent a lot of time working on our flower beds. I couldn't say how much, but I know that she was proud of her work and would hate to see someone destroy it. I had just gotten home from school and I saw these kids picking my mom's flowers. I was furious! I ran outside, screaming, “You get back here with my mom's flowers!” I never saw where they went, but they dropped the daffodils around the corner. I picked them up and brought them into the house to be put in a vase. When my mom got home, I told her what happened because she saw the flowers in the vase. She dubbed me the “Keeper of the Daffodils.” It was an eventful day to say the least, but I was proud.

I hope that I can continue to be the “Keeper of the Daffodils” and grow some of my own someday. Perhaps one of my children will continue with the tradition and become “Keepers” themselves.

In other news, Ender is doing well. His vocabulary never ceases to amaze me. He is very much a parrot already, which means I have to be careful what I say. Not to say that I use inappropriate language, but it is amazing how words change when they are heard from the mouth of a child. It reminds me of when my oldest niece was 3 and said the word “stupid.” Not really a bad word, but definitely not appropriate for a toddler to be saying!

Today, we were sitting in the living room and I had the windows open because the weather has been so beautiful. I have a box fan on a table and the wind was coming through and spun the fan blades. Not really thinking anything of it, I hear Ender say, “Oooo! Cool!” It was so adorable and incredibly unexpected. He's growing up way to fast!

Ender's physical therapy is going well. We had his initial appointment last week and he had another appointment today. He is standing a lot more and trying to transfer from articles of furniture. He is trying to develop his balance and his therapist says that he is making great progress. For the time being, he has weekly appointments. I have exercises to do with him everyday and hopefully he will be more independent soon! He already is pretty independent, but it would be wonderful if I didn't have to carry him every time we needed to go somewhere!

Hopefully May will be a month full of creativity and wonder. The weather has been fantastic but I am hoping to really get into a groove of writing on a regular basis as well as participating in my school forums more consistently. Wish me luck! ;)