Roadkill and a Novel

It may be a strange thing to think about, but as I was driving today, I couldn’t help but notice the road kill. Out in California, there are always cats and dogs, sometimes you’ll see (or rather smell) a skunk or two, but that’s generally it for the drive-by critters. Out here in rural PA is another story. I often see – deer, skunks, groundhogs, beavers, rabbits, and of course cats and dogs (although dogs, not very often). But today, I saw one of the saddest things. Someone had hit a turtle! It was a pretty big one too. I can’t imagine hitting a turtle. The other day, ScottE saw a small one on the side of the road. After nearly hitting it, he turned around and put it in the bed of the pickup to take to our little Thomas who was overjoyed to have it (it has since disappeared into their yard somewhere). I never thought I would see turtles on the side of the road. Just another sign of how life’s choices can forever change your perspective on life.

Another thing that happened today was my cousin got married!! I am so happy for her because she has found a terrific guy who understands her through and through. I wish them all the best and am hoping to be able to see them when they come to the east coast for their honeymoon ;) lol

At the rate of our procreation (which is at a significant stalemate at the moment), it seems as though our family will not grow to the 5 children we had thought we were planning for. For the most part, I think that I am okay with that because it was my impression that we were going to have that many. My thoughts may change in time (or perhaps Heavenly Father has some different plans for us) but for now, I’m almost resigned to think we will only have 2 or 3. It would make our car buying options a bit more open! ;) lol But the number of children we are going to have is not really the topic at hand… at least not right now. I constantly have a running list of names going through my mind. I don’t know if this is because we are supposed to have a bunch of children, or if perhaps there is a different purpose. After a relatively lengthy conversation with my sister-in-law, Jessica, I think I have decided that part of why I have so many names in my head is because I have a book to write. I have always enjoyed reading and writing but never thought I would sit down and crank out a novel. I am unsure if I will seek publication, but for now, I am content to try to find the story within. I went to Barnes & Noble and picked up a couple of books on writing and I am currently reading one on character and viewpoint development. I’ve considered writing a memoir too, but I’m not sure that will work out for the best. I think fiction is really the way to go for me and I’m actually pretty excited about it! I just need to stay disciplined and block out some time every day to write. If I do that then I know I can come up with some great ideas. I just hope the little man cooperates!

Wish me luck!

Choices

It is amazing how life turns out sometimes. I never thought I would live anywhere but the central valley of California. I never thought I would call someplace else home. I have had the privilege of going home multiple times since my move out here more than 2 years ago, but it's really nit home to me anymore. I know that I have only been in PA for just over 2 years and that I lived in Cali for more than 20, but PA is so much more home. I just don't feel the peace there that I do here. I do, however miss the dry heat. I would take 100* heat any day over the humidity that we deal with here, especially in Philly. I do not like feeling like I am wet all over!
Another thing that has surprised me over the years is how it seems strange to see my maiden name. I know the Lawsons are very much a part of me (and the Rogers too), but I feel like I've always been Holman. Occasionally I will see something with my maiden name on it and it just looks so weird to me. I know that I have only been Holman for 6 years out of my nearly 25, but it suits me and I am eternally grateful for the name and the family that has come with it.

For some reason, ScottE and I got onto topic of past choices and what we could or should have done differently. While I typically think of my life as one of some poor choices, I usually chalk everything up to what was meant to be. But today I was listening to the song "Letter to Me" by Brad Paisley and it got me thinking about what I would write if I could send myself a letter at 17. That was a time in my life when I was making some major decisions, choices that have had a great impact on the person that I am now. It was when I lost my virginity. It was when I listened to the LDS missionaries for the first time. It was when I decided to move away from my family to be with the man I knew I would marry. It was a time of profound impact, good and bad. I don't want to say that I regret any of those choices (except perhaps the choice to engage in premarital sex) because if I hadn't made the choices I did, it is likely I wouldn't be where I am today. It is possible that ScottE and I could have ended up together. It is possible that we could still have our precious little boy. But the fact remains that we just don't know. I too often play the "what if" game with myself and wind up strolling down memory lane, wondering if I always made the right choices in life. Remembering and wallowing are very different and I hope I manage to only do the former. I don't want to wallow in my past. It's in the past for a reason. While there are some things I occasionally wish I had done differently, for the most part, I am pretty happy with where I am in my life right now. I think the only real wish I have is to have another baby and that's something that should come with time and practice ;-)

A New Process

Yesterday was a pretty good day. I got to run into town and feel accomplished. I participated in my school stuff and got the minimum completed for now. I got inventory processed for ScottE and got to spend time with my boy. I got to watch some cool racing and beautiful men (i.e. Vin Diesel!). I even restarted LOTR, which is always a bonus in my book! ;-) I think that I've finally found a way to write everyday... I know that it won't be fail proof because I know there will be days that I want to write and ScottE will be home or we will be out running errands or something, but I'm taking full advantage of this app! I just discovered a lot of new features. While I don't particularly like typing on my phone (as opposed to using the computer), it's a lot easier because I can more easily put it down and walk away when Ender should need something. He doesn't really like me sitting at the computer much and with how much he likes buttons, it's tough to have him on my lap anymore while I'm trying to work. I think this is a reasonable solution for now ;-)

I started a new blog today for Ender. I think that someday we will look back on it and be very grateful that I did. There is already so much that I've forgotten and he's not even 2! I think this is something I will do for all of my children... I hope they will appreciate all of the work that I put into it for them...

Anyway, now that this is just for me ;) lol... I felt pretty good yesterday. I've been easing into a new diet. I recently tried to do a round of the hcG diet which is great and I lost 11 pounds, but it was way too hard and even easier to cheat. I did really well for the first bit, but lost momentum and felt I couldn't go on. This new diet that I have been introduced to, though, is much more doable... I've just been needing to ease I to it because I have to greatly reduce (okay, eliminate) my sugar intake and there are too many things in the house that are still a temptation. I am slowly eating everything, but I am also trying to eat better all around. More veggies and less processed stuff. The only issue that I have with this diet is that the only snack option it gave for my body type (it's called the body type diet) is a hard boiled egg. I HATE hard boiled eggs!! I'll eat them almost any other way, but NOT hard boiled. I guess I just need to do a little more research to see what other options there are for me. I really think this is going to work for me though! I want to lose about 20 pounds, so it's going to take time, but I'm willing to be patient ;)

Other than dieting, life is good. School is going well. I feel like I'm fitting in with the group that I've been placed with pretty well and my team assignments have been smoother. I'm a little worried about finding a job because the economy is so on the fritz and districts are currently fighting to just keep the teachers they have. Hopefully I'll be able to get my foot in the door somewhere, somehow and something will open up for me.

Until later...

Motorcycles, Daffodils and Physical Therapy

I have had a lot of things running around in my old brain pan... but have not taken the time to write things out like I know that I should. ScottE and I had a stupid fight the other day and I took a bit of time to begin the process of purging my feelings and realized how much better I felt after doing so. I realize this is not always possible as I hate my handwriting and am not always near a computer. My phone is often a great resource, but it is currently out of commission because I am a duffus and updated it without thinking. I am hoping to remedy that soon.

What has been going on with me? you may or may not be asking yourself. For the most part, life has been treating us pretty well. ScottE is currently in Dallas, Texas with Papa Greg to obtain a motorcycle. So, I am here, alone as I so frequently am. Most of the time I don't mind, but over the weekend is unusual. I am coping though.

Spring is in full swing here and the world is green again. A couple of weeks ago, I was privileged to go on a motorcycle ride with ScottE and Papa Greg. We rode down to our old stomping grounds of Mount Joy. It was about a 3 hour trek and on a motorcycle, that's a really long time. It was a very enjoyable time though. Initially it was cold, but eventually it warmed up sufficiently and we got to shed some layers. It is such an incredible experience on a motorcycle. The world looks so much different and you are really able to see things much more clearly. When we went, spring was just getting started and many flowers were in bloom – including two of my absolute favorites, tulips and daffodils. They were so beautiful. I can't wait to plant some around our house!

As we were riding, I kept thinking about this time when I was in junior high. My mom spent a lot of time working on our flower beds. I couldn't say how much, but I know that she was proud of her work and would hate to see someone destroy it. I had just gotten home from school and I saw these kids picking my mom's flowers. I was furious! I ran outside, screaming, “You get back here with my mom's flowers!” I never saw where they went, but they dropped the daffodils around the corner. I picked them up and brought them into the house to be put in a vase. When my mom got home, I told her what happened because she saw the flowers in the vase. She dubbed me the “Keeper of the Daffodils.” It was an eventful day to say the least, but I was proud.

I hope that I can continue to be the “Keeper of the Daffodils” and grow some of my own someday. Perhaps one of my children will continue with the tradition and become “Keepers” themselves.

In other news, Ender is doing well. His vocabulary never ceases to amaze me. He is very much a parrot already, which means I have to be careful what I say. Not to say that I use inappropriate language, but it is amazing how words change when they are heard from the mouth of a child. It reminds me of when my oldest niece was 3 and said the word “stupid.” Not really a bad word, but definitely not appropriate for a toddler to be saying!

Today, we were sitting in the living room and I had the windows open because the weather has been so beautiful. I have a box fan on a table and the wind was coming through and spun the fan blades. Not really thinking anything of it, I hear Ender say, “Oooo! Cool!” It was so adorable and incredibly unexpected. He's growing up way to fast!

Ender's physical therapy is going well. We had his initial appointment last week and he had another appointment today. He is standing a lot more and trying to transfer from articles of furniture. He is trying to develop his balance and his therapist says that he is making great progress. For the time being, he has weekly appointments. I have exercises to do with him everyday and hopefully he will be more independent soon! He already is pretty independent, but it would be wonderful if I didn't have to carry him every time we needed to go somewhere!

Hopefully May will be a month full of creativity and wonder. The weather has been fantastic but I am hoping to really get into a groove of writing on a regular basis as well as participating in my school forums more consistently. Wish me luck! ;)

Ford Girl

I've been telling more friends and family about my blog and as a consequence have been thinking more and more about writing, at least in general. I constantly have this running monologue in my head about what I would write if I had the availability to sit down and write just then, but most of the time these things go on at the most inopportune moments – usually when I'm driving. If someone has a suggestion to remedy this issue, please, speak up! I'm dying to get these ideas on paper (or at least screen), but have no idea how to document them as they come. I don't feel that speaking them aloud is plausible because of Ender and also because my thoughts are rarely one tracked. I usually get off on some tangent and then come back around to my original track and get off again at some point. It would be really confusing to try to decipher my thoughts that way! Any suggestions though, I am very much open! ;)

So, what exactly, you might be asking has been circling my brain pan? Oddly enough, stuff about cars. As I was driving home yesterday, I kept thinking about my dream car – namely what I would be dreaming of driving if I weren't so bent on ensuring we had something for the large (or at least more than 3 children) family we've been anticipating we would have. I was thinking about cars versus SUVs and the benefits of both. Much to the chagrin of my parents, I am oddly brand loyal. I am very much a Ford girl, through and through. ;) Even in the area we live now, I would be able to use a car, so long as it had All-Wheel drive. My first choice would be a Taurus or a Fusion. If money were no object, I would still like to stay in the “Ford family” and I would get a Lincoln of the same models.

However, given our circumstances, I have planned to eventually acquire an Expedition, as my first choice anyway. I wouldn't mind a Freestyle, but they are more difficult to come by and don't have a lot of cargo room or ground clearance. Someday, I will get the car of my dreams... for the time being, though, I am grateful to have a vehicle to get me from point A to point B. Right now that vehicle is a Chevy Tahoe. Alas, my dream of being a Ford family has been temporarily dashed, but I know that one day, ScottE and I will both be driving Ford trucks!! ;)

Aside from my day dreaming of Fords, there has been a great deal of other things on my mind... namely getting Ender motivated to walk and getting back into school. As far as Ender is concerned, I have gotten him started in the process of enrolling him in Early Intervention. His coordinator came by for an initial meeting and interview on Wednesday. She asked some preliminary questions to get a base line for what programs should be provided for Ender. I will be getting more information from her soon – 2-3 weeks from Wednesday (I'm assuming).

On a very excited note, I will be going back to school on Tuesday!! I am super thrilled to be getting back into my routine and finishing my degree. My brief sabbatical has pushed back my graduation a bit, so I won't be finishing until September of 2012, but I really needed a break. Constant enrollment in a class and not having a break for the past year and a half or so was very tiring, regardless of the fact that it's “only online.” Many have given me a hard time about going to school online rather than going to a traditional school. I agree that online is a lot easier and sometimes I wish I had gone to a brick and mortar. But the thing of it is, I really wanted to be home for my children. I didn't want to have to find a babysitter or pay for daycare. I wanted to raise my children myself. I knew that if I enrolled in a traditional school, when I did have children, I would either drop out and not finish, or would go bankrupt trying to care for my children. I didn't want either. When the opportunity to go presented itself, I really put my foot down with ScottE and expressed to him how important it was for me to start now rather than waiting “until the perfect time” because I knew that would never come. There would always be something standing in the way of me and my education. It may not be the best there is and it may be “easier” than other routes, but it works for me and mine.

I am also glad that Winter is going away! We have been getting a mild sprinkling this week, but most of the snow has melted and given way to an abundance of mud. It's still pretty cold out there, but things are getting better. Today has actually been a pretty day! ;)

Life is going to get pretty hectic as I try to reestablish my routine for school and spending time with an ever increasingly active little boy. I'm sure I will find the motivation to take advantage of his nap times and get things done during the day rather than waiting until night time / the last minute to accomplish my goals for the day. Wish me luck!

A trip to Cabela's ;)

Well... I had started a blog and then got lost in it and realized that I really didn't need or want to go into all of the stuff that I did. So, instead of rewriting, I've decided to just start over. ;)

As always, I feel the need to start with the current weather. We had most of the snow melted and then we've had a surprise storm sneak up on us. The ground is once again covered in a clean blanket of white and we're expecting more snow tomorrow. It's been nice to be rid of the ice, but the ground has become squishy and slightly disgusting. Walking on it is tough and driving through it is even more difficult at times. Regardless, we are doing the best we can to survive.

Last Friday was Ender's first doctor's appointment in way too long. Everything has checked out pretty well for the most part. He's pretty much on track with his vocabulary (which increases daily!), but the doctor was a little concerned about the fact that he is still not walking. She advised that I get in touch with the “early intervention” program of PA and they would observe him and possibly implement some kind of physical therapy program. I'm not all that concerned because he has been making some great strides of late. He lets us hold his hands, but he has to pull himself up – we can't stand him up. He has been climbing up and down from the couch by himself and he is pushing up on his hands and walking around on his feet with his little bum in the air. I just know that he will be walking within the next couple of weeks! ;)

I still have to get him caught up on his shots and get some blood work done but I am so very grateful to have found a great pediatrician!

Speaking of Ender's vocabulary... he has really taken to parroting what we say. We ask him to repeat what we say when he wants something. His pronunciation isn't quite perfect yet, but he is really trying. He watches our mouths to try to figure out how we are saying the words. It's so adorable to listen to him imitate what we say. Over the course of the next few days, I'm going to try to write down all of the words he says spontaneously.

This past weekend was a lot of fun. We didn't really do anything to celebrate St. Patrick's Day because neither of us are Irish enough to justify it and we kind of view it as an excuse for people to just go out and get drunk. Not being drinkers ourselves, it just seems a little silly – at least for us... that doesn't mean we dislike the holiday or find those that celebrate it to be ridiculous or anything like that. ;) Anyway... Saturday we went to Cabela's with Mama and Papa Liggett. We went with the intention of finding some cold weather clothes, possibly a shotgun and very likely a bunch of ammo. Being the weekend, the store was pretty packed. Initially it was tough just to navigate the store. ScottE and Papa Greg were looking at the shotguns while Mama Cathy, Ender and I went looking throughout the rest of the store. The only issue that I usually have with Ender while shopping is when I stop to look at stuff... plus he was really tired because he refused to nap on our way down. I was irritated and frustrated because I couldn't really do any shopping. We decided to go to lunch and come back to the store.

After lunch we returned to Cabela's. Mama wasn't feeling up to dealing with the crowds again, so she stayed in the Jeep with Ender. I was really grateful because I was able to actually get out and enjoy myself! This is not to say that I don't enjoy spending time with my son... because I really do, but when he starts fussing every time I stop to look at something, it makes it tough to really like going shopping.

Anyway, ScottE really wanted to get a shotgun and I was all for it, but I didn't really feel like standing around waiting to get helped. The boys stayed and looked at the guns, waiting for some assistance, so I decided I wanted to roam the store a little more and see if there was anything that I just couldn't live without. There wasn't ;( so I went back to the gun counter... After a bunch of deliberation, they didn't have the one that ScottE really wanted, which is a Maverick. I reminded him that they sell it at Wal-Mart, so we decided to look at some handguns real quick and then be on our way.

I had kind of roamed the counters to see if there was anything that I really wanted to look at... there wasn't anything that really caught my eye. But ScottE was really determined to get me back into guns. I haven't really felt like shooting or even handling guns since I first got pregnant with Ender. I have a distinct feeling that will change very soon! ;)

We started looking at some of the used guns and I found one that fits my hand perfectly and I can break down with ease! It's a Smith and Wesson M&P. I was kind of hoping to get a 40mm, but ended up getting a 9mm. This one comes with a laser grip and we got it for only $599! It sells brand new for $730 and that's on sale!! Of course that is without the laser grip... I will be headed back to Cabela's to pick it up tomorrow... I'M SUPER EXCITED!!!

In other news... I'm currently sitting in a hotel room and Ender is actually napping, which is a minor miracle. It's been tough getting him to nap lately and I'm very grateful for the current reprieve.

I have a few other things that I want to get done before he wakes up, so until later... ;)

Anniversary celebration

I thought that Winter had released her icy grip from my little place in the world, but alas, I was wrong. This last weekend we got nearly as much snow as we had all winter! It's been pretty crazy and slightly overwhelming, but we've been getting a lot of help from a family here in our branch. We've been pretty much adopted by the Liggetts. It's been nice having parental and grand-parental figures here in town. Greg has been really helpful. . . watching out for me and Ender as well as taking ScottE out on tow calls.

In addition to the snow, ScottE and I celebrated 6 years of marriage this past Saturday! The Liggetts watched Ender for us and we went to dinner and a movie. We saw Beastly which was pretty good, totally predictable in the literal sense and geared toward the mostly teen crowd, but it was an enjoyable take on the classic story of Beauty and the Beast. Looking back, I kind of wish we had gone to Longhorn Steakhouse instead of the Chinese buffet we decided on, but mostly, no regrets about much. :)

In other news, Ender is standing up!! He pulls up on furniture and is not quite cruising yet, but he's standing up and is very proud of himself. I give him lots of encouragement and do what I can to get him to stand up as often as I think of it. He is also kind of walking around... he keeps his hands on the ground and sticks his little bum up in the air (which is ADORABLE!), but he's not standing up quite yet. I think I have finally found a doctor for him and he has an appointment next Friday. I am really hoping that he's walking by then! ;)

Getting back into school is still a major goal for me. I am really hoping to get my fingerprint clearance card within the next few days so that I can return to class. I was really needing a break and am very grateful to have had this recent sabbatical, but I'm looking forward to completing my degree. I can't do that if I'm not in school! ;) lol

Other than that, life is pretty normal and relatively happy. :) I didn't get to go and see ScottE this week which made both of us a little sad, but it makes this weekend that much more special. No news on the pregnancy front just yet, but I will keep everyone updated as the news transpires. ;)