A new idea

While things are in a bit of a tumult right now for my family, I feel the most calm and collected that I have felt in a very long time. I feel relatively free, and though things are very uncertain at this juncture, I'm okay with that. I have begun to realize that a home is a necessary sanctuary, but in times of need, it is vital to have a grounded and gracious support system. I have been very grateful as of late to spend time with family and friends – people that I have not known very well until our recent decision to be house-less. I have also realized that even though we do not currently have a house, we are not homeless. We have been lucky to have a constant place to stay and I for one am very grateful for that, among many other things that have occurred lately.

I have been reading eat pray love in anticipation of the release of the movie. It has been a very inspirational book. I may not be experiencing everything that this poor woman is going through, but on several levels I can relate. Her story has helped me to realize many things about myself and has prompted, while not as in-depth as hers, a self-exploration of sorts.

Ever since I saw the movie, Julie & Julia, I have been wanting to develop some kind of blog that I would have to write or do something everyday. This has been a challenge for me because I don't like to get stuck in any kind of rut and I was afraid that something like that would cause too much monotony in my life. As I began searching (and reading eat pray love), I began to formulate what it was I wanted to write about. I have decided to develop a play on a prayer journal. I plan to write, everyday, three things that I am grateful for and three things that I need to work on. I plan to elaborate on each thing, so it won't just be 6 statements, leaving the reader wondering what it is exactly that I am talking about. I'm not sure if I will post it everyday or not, but I will at the very least take the time to write down my 6 statements everyday and then post them as I manage my time. I am hoping that I will be able to do it everyday, but we shall see. I guess I'm also looking for some feedback on this idea... let me know what you think! =)

Other than being house-less, things are going really well for us. We've been able to get a few things taken care of and are currently house hunting, which is stressful, but I think I've reached a place where I can be a little zen about it. Ender has been adjusting relatively swimmingly to the waves of change in our lives right now... still not crawling, but I'm not too worried about it. I can't believe he's almost a year old! Where did the time go??

Also, I don't think I mentioned this before, but our car was hit recently. Additionally, it was having some mechanical issues, but we just got it out of the shop this past weekend. It has been so nice to be able to drive the car rather than our pick-up everywhere. I did not realize how much I missed my car! Driving the truck was a little laborious. I am very grateful to have my car back... it truly is the little things that make life grand. =) I really should have taken some pictures to share, but alas, I forgot.

So, I guess I'm looking for a little encouragement on my new idea, but I think I will start the real work on it this weekend. Please, let me know what you think! =) For now, ciao!

Birthday fun and Moving woes

I had a feeling that after updating my few readers about the minutia that has been going on that I would receive a deluge of inspiration to write. While I haven't really written anything since that time, I have had the urge to do so. Just today I had this vision of myself sitting down in some hotel room and finding the strength and motivation to write each and every day over the course of the next month or so. I'm not sure why. I think part of it is because I won't really have much else to do, but the other part is that I really want to be writing everyday. I just don't have the motivation or energy to do so. I need to just buck up and do it! I know I have at the very least a series of short stories in me... perhaps even a short novel – a novella, or something similar. I'm not getting my hopes up about anything though. And I'm certainly not deluded enough to think that I will ever become a published author, but still I can dream right?

Things have been going very well with the move. We are very quickly learning what we can live with and what we can easily live without. It will be nice to be down to a very few simple things, but it is also very scary to not have everything we are used to having on a regular basis. It's going to be rather interesting to see how Ender reacts to the constant changes that will occur over the next month or so.

On a different note, my birthday has come and gone... it was a good day though! ScottE and I went out to dinner and a movie – Red Robin (YUM!!) and Knight and Day. We had a great time and are very grateful to our neighbor who came over to stay with Ender. She has watched him for us a couple of times now, but he's always been in bed the entire time! Not much of job, but he's such an easy baby anyway! What really topped my night off was when we got home, Sarah (our neighbor) had cleaned my kitchen! I had left a few dishes in the sink from the past few days – I was going to get around to it the next morning, but I was ecstatic that I didn't have to worry about it. Probably my favorite gift! =)

Also, a few months ago, ScottE got me an iPhone from a friend of a friend. But it was just a 2G (so first generation) and only 4GB. It was sufficient for me and I was thrilled to have an iPhone. But being the klutz that I am, I dropped it and the screen quit working. I was very sad, but there is this awesome place in Lancaster that fixes all kinds of electronic devices (we had taken my iPhone there to get unlocked because we have T-Mobile). Anyway, I took it down there to get the screen repaired and they decided it probably wasn't worth it, but offered us a 3G for the same price! So, we thought, repair the 4GB or double my storage space for the same price? NO BRAINER!! We decided to get the newer phone. There were a few issues with it at first, and I still don't get great Wi-Fi connectivity, but it's mine and I love it. Kind of a birthday present to myself... =)

Moving sucks

I've been wanting to post an update for some time now... just haven't found the motivation or even the energy. Things have been a little hectic for us lately – as you continue to read, you will better understand. I know there are some things that I have not written about (i.e. - Mother's Day, Memorial Day, and Father's Day), so I will update you on those things first and then get to the mayhem...

Mother's Day came and went for me this year. Nothing spectacular happened. The only real highlight was that Ender was saying “Momma” at that point in time. He has since ceased doing so. The only joy that brings me is the fact that I know he will say it enough over the course of his lifetime to make up for that lack of it now.

Memorial Day was wonderful. ScottE, Carter and I were able to go to Hershey Park. We had a blast. It was difficult leaving Ender alone for the first time, especially for the full day. But we all survived. We rode all of the roller-coasters in about 2 hours. It wasn't nearly as crowded as we expected it to be which was nice. But we did not go prepared to get wet – which we did because it was really hot that day.

Father's Day we spent in Springville with ScottE's sister and her family. We had a lot of fun, but it was a difficult weekend for me. ScottE had been gone all week and was needed to help with the chicken coop. Add to that the fact that Ender was refusing to take his naps and would not sit down without me, I was a little more than spent. But again, we all survived.

Okay. Recently my computer decided to no longer charge. Apparently the charge port has been damaged somehow. Which really sucks because most of our music is on my laptop, along with nearly all of our pictures from the past year (i.e. - Ender's whole life!). We are hoping to get it fixed soon, but with everything else going on, it's not likely for at least a little while.

The process of moving has begun. It is starting to get very bare in our home. We have already moved our dressers, couches, a desk, most of Ender's baby clothes, clothes we don't plan on wearing any time soon and a majority of ScottE's tools. We have a storage unit in Reading, which is nice, but here is where things get a little tricky. We aren't moving to Reading any more!! After our initial plan fell through, ScottE and I were at a loss for what to do. We were being really picky about where we moved to because we have moved way to much over the course of our 5 year marriage and we are both tired of it. Our plan was to get a very specific unit in Reading, live there for a few years, buy some property up near Jana and her family, then borrow against the equity and put a house on it, then move up there. Well, I guess you could say we're skipping a step.

After much prayer and conversation, ScottE and I have decided the best thing for us to do is to be near family. We are going to be moving up to the Springville/Tunkhannock area which is in northern PA. As of now, we are not entirely sure where we are going to be staying until we find a place of our own, but we are planning to buy a house within the next year (hopefully not that long). It's a little scary not really knowing where we are going, but we are trusting that our Heavenly Father will point us in the right direction when the time comes.

So, aside from the moving debacle, things are going pretty well. I've finally started some of my core classes, meaning my education courses. I'm stoked about that, but dreading the fact that it's been all math. However, there is a silver lining in that I'm getting them done now in the beginning so I don't have to worry about them later, which is really nice.

Ender is now 11 months old!! I can't believe it!! Where does the time go... Everyone told me how quickly it goes (I believed them, but still!). It seems unreal to me that he will be 1 year old here very soon. He is still not crawling, which right now is very much okay with me. Trying to pack everything and keep track of him would be way too much for me to handle everyday. But I'm not all that concerned about him not crawling. I read an article in which the author quoted a doctor who basically said as long as baby is babbling, he/she is developing fine. I can testify that Ender babbles constantly. I love listening to him and talking back to him. His smile and laughter light up a room...

Another big thing going on this summer is I'm going back to CA for a couple of weeks. Initially, ScottE and I were planning to stay in a hotel for a bit until our unit became available in Reading. Now plans have changed, but I'm still coming home. I will be there from August 12th through the 26th. I'm really excited! Ender has grown so much and I've missed my family.

Well... there has been some craziness and some exciting changes in our lives. I hope to not go so long between posts next time! =)

The early bird gets what... to take a nap?

I have never been an early bird. In fact, I've never really been able to get up at the time when I set my alarm. I simply hit that snooze button as many times as I possibly can justify and get those few precious moments of added slumber. Yet for the past few weeks, I've been waking up much earlier than normal – any time between 4:30 and 5 am – no where close to normal for me. What's a girl to do? Normally, I can just go back to sleep. But this morning, after getting up, using the toilet, getting a drink of water, shifting positions repeatedly, my attempts have amassed to nothing. And here I am, writing to you instead of doing what I would much rather be doing – sleeping!

For as long as I can remember, my dad has been an early bird. Regardless of what time he goes to bed, he wakes up before his alarm. I had always been lucky enough to be able to sleep in until I truly wanted to get up. Is this the start of a new me? Am I going to be getting up with the sun? I'm not sure how long this will continue, but until it changes (or doesn't, I guess), I'm planning to take advantage of it.

In addition to waking up early, the past few weeks have been full of intense conversations, between me and ScottE as well as with our best friend back home, Laura. I'm not sure what else is going on, but there has definitely been some kind of shift within me. I'm calling it “delayed postpartum depression.” I've been rather moody and difficult to get along with. I applaud those who have seen this side of me and have dealt with it rather skillfully. Both ScottE and Laura have been the brunt of my wrath over the past few weeks and for that I am sorry. I know I can be difficult to get along with at times... but I feel we are on the upswing of things as I finally have realized what's going on.

I feel like Ender is growing up, like he's not my little baby anymore. I know he is still very dependent upon me for a lot of things. I'm so happy to see him learning and growing. But a part of me feels like he doesn't need so much from me, or perhaps that our bond isn't as strong as it used to be. Maybe another part of it is the fact that we live so far from all of our family and I've been more than a little homesick. Maybe another issue is just that I don't get out of the house as much as I should (or even could). Maybe I'm just getting baby hungry. Or perhaps my body is just starting to get back to normal after not having its cycle for over a year and a half. I'm not sure what is truly going on, but I do know this: I am aware of it and am doing something about it.

I am very determined to get up at a decent time (which for me is anytime before 7). Yesterday was a hard day, but I know today is going to be better. In point of fact, it already is as I am sitting here rather than lying in bed.

I am going to get out of the house more. I know I've said this in the past, but I am going to set a schedule, and stick to it. I find when I do spend time with others, I tend to stay until they kick me out (or rather politely say they have other things they need to get to), or until Ender or I get tired. I won't do that anymore. I will stay for a couple of hours, then get back to what I had planned for the day. I am hoping this will give me the motivation to actually do it rather than just saying that I will. I don't think I will get as overwhelmed with things this way. Plus, if things are going well, it will allow me to be happy with staying longer periods of time.

I think writing on a much more regular basis will help me with things too. I already feel a lot better about life, just sitting here writing this. I'm not sure what it is but just knowing that at least a few people will read this helps me to realize that I'm not so alone in the world.

So, in addition to all of my emotional/hormonal issues, we are preparing to move. I am looking forward to this particular move with much more excitement than trepidation (at least right now). We are very much hoping that this will be the last move before we buy a house. We thought that about this last move, but financial changes make things more difficult. Things didn't work out here the way we had hoped. But that's okay. We've lived here for over a year already! It's hard to believe that this time last year was much more difficult. We didn't have any of our stuff from the moving company – I was pregnant, sleeping on a leaky air mattress; we had 2 dogs and ScottE was working mostly in VA so he was gone a lot. The changes that have occurred over the past year have been incredible. We really love it here in PA.

I'm not entirely sure what this new leaf is going to bring into our lives. But I'm really hoping that it's more happiness and fewer arguments. So, here's to hoping! =)

Other than the difficult weeks between me and ScottE, things are going really well for Ender. He is starting to sit on his own, though he's not pulling himself up quite yet. He talks all the time and I'm sure we'll have a real word here real soon! I love watching him learn and grow. I'm so grateful to be his mommy! I'm going to be posting pictures and videos soon... I promise!

Inspiration?

I've been wanting to write something “new” for some time. Perhaps my current creative writing class will provide me with some inspiration to write on a more regular basis. I keep wanting to get more organized, to do things I want/need to do but also to simply get more done. I don't do much of anything during the day and when the night hits, I want to clean! But then I realize that I should get up earlier in the day. So, do I stay up late and then sleep in? Or do I try to get to bed at a decent time and then get up early? I've never been much of an early bird. I keep thinking that will change as I have children but so far, it's not changing at all.

I have recently been inspired to do things differently. I want to have set days for certain things. Last week, ScottE had a night job on Tuesday, so he was home during the day. It was great having him home, but I was unable to do anything that I really wanted to get done. Then Wednesday, he had an afternoon job to make up for his night job the previous day. It was very difficult to get back into my routine of things to do. I'm not sure why, but it really upset me to have my routine so out of sorts. In a way, I blew up at ScottE and we had a significant discussion of why I was upset. I know he didn't really understand, but I tried my best to explain what was going on in my head. Does anyone else have this issue?

Ender is doing really well. We went to the doctor today and he, not surprisingly, got a clean bill of health. He is 19 pounds, 4.5 ounces and nearly 30 inches long! He is getting so big... I'm planning to post some pictures soon.

Speaking of pictures... this past Saturday, we went out to this beautiful mansion and a sister from our ward took pictures for us! I've gotten a sneak peak at them and I can't wait to get the rest of them. She is truly an amazing photographer.

A sad bit in our lives... we no longer have Charli. As most already know, we will be moving this summer (yay...). It just seems to be rather difficult to move with a dog. We've done it before, and it wasn't always a major hassle, but when you are going to be renting a place, dogs limit your options. We've found this incredible place just outside of Reading, but they don't accept dogs, pets really of any kind. We were very sad at first, but we've realized that this is something that is important for our family. Luckily (as I always try to find the silver lining), there is a wonderful family in our ward that was willing to take her. They have 5 children and Charli seems to be fitting in nicely. It almost makes it harder to see that she has been so well received. I know that I will continue to miss her, but for now, I am doing my best to accept the companionship of Ender. It's not the same because he doesn't cuddle under the covers or just sit next to me like Charli did – but I'm coping!

Another bit about Ender – he is such a joy! I love being his mommy...

• Whenever he hears music (or even when he doesn't), he moves his head from side to side like he's dancing! It is so cute – I think that's my favorite thing that he does lately. 

• He's beginning to roll all over the place. I know it won't be long until he's crawling and then I'll really have to get on top of the household cleaning!

• He recently discovered that he can yell. He's not usually upset, he just likes to hear his own voice. Not usually that big of a deal, but when we're trying to watch TV or something it gets a little frustrating.

• He nods his head yes! I don't think he's actually saying “yes” at this point, but it's a nice thought.

• He sticks his tongue out all the time.

• It's super cute to watch him discovering things. He holds things in his hands and looks at them, and then of course puts them in his mouth. But first, he looks at it, turns it over in his hands. He is becoming quite dexterous (as ScottE says).

• Whenever I say “mom-mom-mom-mama,” he gets this big goofy grin on his face. I just love it!

• He is beginning to sit up. You just have to sit him up first.

I think that's the extent of his milestones for now. I'll try to keep everyone more up to date. =)

Rumors and movies

In my haste to get something posted the other day, I neglected to mention a few of the amazing things that have been going on here. =) One of the major things I wanted to mention was that Ender loves to talk and sing. Unless he's laughing or eating, he's talking or singing. His little voice is so adorable. I love listening to him. =)

Upon reading some other blogs, I've begun to realize that I don't have to always have a lot to say or even something creative, I just need to take the time to write more often. =)

Anyway... to dispel any rumors that are going around in PA, our little family will be moving at the end of July. We are rather sad to be moving from our little community here, but we are looking forward to saving money. It is so hard to uproot our lives so often. We have moved way too many times in the 5 years that we have been married. I think we've decided that this will be the last until we buy a house. We are planning to stay in Reading for a long time to come. Hopefully, we will be able to get things together and save the money we need to finally buy a house.

I am hoping to get some pictures done of the whole family soon. A sister in our ward has offered to take some professional pictures of Ender and I'm hoping she will include me and ScottE!

ScottE and I have also been on a bit of a movie buying binge! I love having movies in the house and with us planning to turn off the Dish at the end of 24, we need some entertainment around here! Our recent acquisitions include: Wall-E, Avatar, the X-Men trilogy, Smokey and the Bandit, French Kiss, 9, Star Trek, The Italian Job and Chicken Run. We also recently recorded a few on our DVR – I went through a major Lord of the Rings phase recently as well. We recorded that a few months ago and I've watched it several times all the way through! I am going to miss having TV in the house, but I'm going to cherish the memories I make with our family even more. Movies are so much more fun anyway! =)

Ender is growing up!

It seems forever since I sat down to update everyone on what is going on here in central PA. So, here goes:

Ender is officially rolling all over the place. Just this past Sunday he rolled for the first time from his back to his tummy. It seems he is no longer content to just lay on the floor on his back. I'm grateful and yet terrified at the same time. It's been so nice that he's been content to be immobile. =)

He sits really well if he has someone/thing to lean against. I'm trying to get him to sit up on his own, but I don't want to force him to do anything he's not ready or willing to do himself.

I have to admit that I've been a terrible first-time mom. I haven't taken pictures of every waking moment of my firstborn's life! It has been some time since I took any major photos of our little boy. I promise you, I will make an effort to take more over the next few days/weeks and will get them posted promptly.

Ender now has 2 teeth! I noticed the first one a couple weeks ago and then went to show someone his 1 tooth and discovered he had 2! I can't believe it!! I know the next time I blink he'll have a whole mouth full! lol

I recently started doing ScottE's work orders for him. It has taken a lot of stress off of him. He has since been getting home at a reasonable time. Luckily, Ender takes a decent morning nap, so I'm usually able to get the work orders done then. It has been really nice for ScottE to be less stressed about his work. He is getting back to the point of liking his job! It was very frustrating for me to hear him constantly complain about getting what he called “a real job.” I tried to explain to him that he has a great job, he just wanted to work more normal hours. Well, with me processing most of his paper/computer work, he's been a lot happier. And that makes the rest of us happier! =)

Other than that, not much is going on here! I am tentatively putting together a story. I'm not exactly sure of my intentions with it yet, but it's been fun bouncing around ideas and writing something other than a short blog every now and then (which is still not as often as it should be!).