Human Nature?

I’m beginning to wonder if change is really possible. I would surely hope so because I am getting a bit tired of the way life is going right now. I feel I get caught in the same ruts over and over again… I try to find solutions, which work for some time, but then I fall back into old habits and have to start all over again. Why can’t I just make the change and it stick? Why do I have to keep making the same changes over and over again? As usual, my most recent project is trying to maintaining the house and my other responsibilities as the housekeeper. I have a really hard time establishing routines. I think the biggest issue is that I don’t have anyone to be accountable to. I know that keeping a clean house and paying the bills for my boys should be enough to make me get up and walk away from the TV or book or whatever, but for some reason it’s not. I’ve tried rewarding myself with TV time after I get stuff done, but I end up sitting down first and putting my chores off until later. I keep telling myself, “I’ll just do it later…” but then I don’t get those things done!

I’ve also noticed that I build things up in my head. I make it seem like whatever it is that I need to do is going to take me all day – or even more than 5 minutes and so I don’t want to do it right now… and I put it off. When the truth of the matter is, it really wouldn’t take that long if I would just get up and do it. Plus, then I would have more time to do what I want because I wouldn’t be worried about getting the necessary things done! Why can’t I convince myself of this? I know it to be truth! I know that I would only have to work for about an hour and then I could pretty much do whatever I wanted – make some new beauty product, research some new obsession, catch up on blogging, do some writing, watch a movie – whatever! I just should be getting my work done FIRST!!

One of the phrases I’ve had running through my head is to flip my “do it switch” to now – when I think of something to do, say the dishes or putting away the laundry, I should do it right then. No thinking about it, no rationalization of why I should be doing nothing, just do it. Of course this is much easier said than done… I guess I really just need to force myself and as I do so, it will become a habit and then I won’t have to worry about it because I’ll already be doing it! =)

I don’t know if there is anyone else that falls into this rut. The women that I spend time with seem to have everything figured out and are always bustling about doing the things that I should do on a regular basis but don’t, simply because I am lazy and unwilling to do the work that has been asked of me, even though it’s simple. I don’t know if I will ever be as productive as they, but I will definitely try! 

I just need to remember to flip my do it switch and that things never take as long as I think they will. Time to put up some Post-Its!! =) lol

It's been too long...

So... as per my usual modus operandi, I have set some goals and set some goals, and well, set some more goals. Life always has a way of moving on with little changing as far as my habits are concerned. I have, however, been discovering some things about myself and I think these discoveries are going to help me make the changes I've been wanting to for a very long time.

First, I am an all or nothing person. I either have to do it all or nothing gets done. I've made lists and schedules and plans in my head about so many things that I want to do, things that I even need to do and yet too little gets done during the day. My biggest issue (as it seems to always have been the case) is the TV. I watch WAY TOO MUCH and can't seem to walk away after only an hour. It seems the running theme through my mind is "just one more episode, and then I'll do..." It really needs to stop! I have been working on it... this past Monday was a really good day for me. I stayed away from the TV and actually got some stuff done on the house. It felt great to be productive, even if my back was KILLING me. 

Second, after what seems like a lifetime (well, for Ender it has been), I am finally pregnant again!!! And during our move in December (which is when I found out), we got rid of nearly all of our baby stuff because we were moving from a full house to an apartment. Plus we thought with how long it had been, it just wasn't going to happen. Additionally, a lot of our stuff was stored outside or in a semi-dry basement, in which we had mice... so, we tossed a lot of our baby stuff and a friend was pregnant with a boy so we gave her a lot of our infant clothing... and then I found out that we're expecting...
Now I've got a bit of a weight on me, feeling the need to get stuff going - I think I'm definitely starting to nest! lol I'm due September 4th and it seems that day is approaching very quickly and I don't feel any kind of ready!

Third, in addition to being an all or nothing person, I also have a slightly addictive personality. I latch onto things, ideas, people, TV shows, etc. I become obsessed with those things and they become the center of my universe. My obsessions lately have been the state of Alaska (including TV shows, researching homes for sale, jobs, the things necessary for living there, etc.), cloth diapering, homemade beauty/cleaning products, mason jars, with an occasional meander through Ravelry for a crochet pattern. So, needless to say, these things too often take precedent over the things that I should be doing. So, I've been trying to temper my addictions, wean myself as it were from the things that are clouding my judgement and taking time away from my family. 

Finally, I have discovered that if I don't get the dishes done, first thing in the morning, VERY little gets done during the day. I HAVE TO get up before ScottE leaves for work at 6:35ish and make breakfast, his lunch and send him on his way, then do the dishes - preferably all before Ender wakes up. The last bit doesn't always happen and the past 2 days, none of this has happened, but I know that tomorrow will be a better day!