It is amazing how life turns out sometimes. I never thought I would live anywhere but the central valley of California. I never thought I would call someplace else home. I have had the privilege of going home multiple times since my move out here more than 2 years ago, but it's really nit home to me anymore. I know that I have only been in PA for just over 2 years and that I lived in Cali for more than 20, but PA is so much more home. I just don't feel the peace there that I do here. I do, however miss the dry heat. I would take 100* heat any day over the humidity that we deal with here, especially in Philly. I do not like feeling like I am wet all over!
Another thing that has surprised me over the years is how it seems strange to see my maiden name. I know the Lawsons are very much a part of me (and the Rogers too), but I feel like I've always been Holman. Occasionally I will see something with my maiden name on it and it just looks so weird to me. I know that I have only been Holman for 6 years out of my nearly 25, but it suits me and I am eternally grateful for the name and the family that has come with it.
For some reason, ScottE and I got onto topic of past choices and what we could or should have done differently. While I typically think of my life as one of some poor choices, I usually chalk everything up to what was meant to be. But today I was listening to the song "Letter to Me" by Brad Paisley and it got me thinking about what I would write if I could send myself a letter at 17. That was a time in my life when I was making some major decisions, choices that have had a great impact on the person that I am now. It was when I lost my virginity. It was when I listened to the LDS missionaries for the first time. It was when I decided to move away from my family to be with the man I knew I would marry. It was a time of profound impact, good and bad. I don't want to say that I regret any of those choices (except perhaps the choice to engage in premarital sex) because if I hadn't made the choices I did, it is likely I wouldn't be where I am today. It is possible that ScottE and I could have ended up together. It is possible that we could still have our precious little boy. But the fact remains that we just don't know. I too often play the "what if" game with myself and wind up strolling down memory lane, wondering if I always made the right choices in life. Remembering and wallowing are very different and I hope I manage to only do the former. I don't want to wallow in my past. It's in the past for a reason. While there are some things I occasionally wish I had done differently, for the most part, I am pretty happy with where I am in my life right now. I think the only real wish I have is to have another baby and that's something that should come with time and practice ;-)
