December 16, 2011

An update

Well, dear blogosphere, it has been far too long! I was unaware of how many of our family actually read my blog and it makes me feel good and bad all at the same time. Good because my effort has been worth something, but bad because it has been so long since I've posted anything! I have been writing, but just not taking the time to post… so, here I am!

ScottE and I have maintained our tradition of moving every year. I know we've said this before, but this is most definitely our last move for a very long time! We are in a beautiful 4 bedroom house set on 28 acres. We are really settling in… one thing we will never do again is move in December! It was murder trying to get everything together around Thanksgiving. But things are settling down – we've got our Internet and phone up (the number is the same). Our landlord did a lot of work on the property before we moved in. He tore up the carpet downstairs and was planning on putting in laminate but discovered real hardwood floors under the carpet. It's been an adjustment with the hardwood floors, but once the furniture is set, then we will get in a rhythm of taking care of everything. We also got a new toilet, new carpet upstairs, a fresh coat of paint and ceiling fans in every room. We have 3 rooms in this house, and we have absolutely no idea what we are going to do with them! It's kind of a nice feeling, especially with what we just moved out of…

School is going well for me; looking forward to Winter Break and some time off. It was tough trying to keep up with everything over the last month. Moving and getting all of the addresses changed and then we were without Internet for about 2 weeks, which was really tough. Our phone didn't even get turned on for 5 days or so. It was tough being so out of touch with the world – but baby, I'm back!

I had taken some time to write a list of things I am grateful for, but I didn't take the time to finish it. So, as I've been thinking about how to finish that, I've also been trying to move on and think about the future instead of dwelling in the past. So, moving on…

I've been thinking about my New Year's resolutions. I know, it's totally cliché, but the start of the year is a kin to a new start. What are my resolutions?

  1. Read and pray, every day.
  2. Exercise at least 5 days a week.
  3. Develop a cleaning routine.
  4. Sing every day.
  5. Write something every day; more specifically a tender mercy, one small thing that I am grateful for or made me smile.

I really am going to try to write more this year. I'm thinking with our new house and setup, I will. ;-)

July 22, 2011

Turning 25…

I have had a few things circling around in my brain pan over the past few days that I have wanted to get out into the blogosphere, but just haven't really had the time! We had Jana and her four children staying with us for just over a week because their house was being fumigated for fleas. It was a lot of fun having them here… we spent last Thursday cleaning the house and rearranging the living room. I think that I like the new arrangement, but I'm not entirely sure how ScottE feels about it. I guess it doesn't matter that much because he's so rarely here these days. Although he's taking next week off for vacation, and I'm really excited!!

Last Saturday, I turned 25. I feel like such a youngen out here because most of the people I spend my time with are a bit older than me. It's kind of nice being on the other end of the spectrum for once in my life. This birthday was significantly better than my last. I don't think I got a single phone call or birthday wish last year (except for the card from my Daddy, and probably a call or text from my Mom). I am sure there was more than that, I just can't really remember right now… either way, this year was infinitely better. My Honey got my one wish for me – Lord of the Rings, extended version on Blu-ray! Kind of an extravagant gift, but so beyond worth it!! ;) It is so b-e-a-utiful! I also got to get some new clothes… something I've needed for some time. I really like the whole jeans and t-shirt look, most of the time, but I often felt a little underdressed at family gatherings and the 2 pairs of jeans that I wore regularly have significant holes in them now. I really just wanted clothes that fit me properly! So, I talked with one of my best friends, Whitney and we set a date. Friday before my birthday, we went to the Salvation Army down in Tunkhannock. They have a great selection of stuff that I would never be able to afford – I mean name brand stuff!! It's pretty well organized, but we still spent nearly 5 hours there, pulling clothes off the racks, trying stuff on and witling out the stuff I couldn't get for one reason or another. I had a budget of $50, and I spent $65… I was very fortunate that Whit pitched in $30 so I was able to get that much more! I am really happy with the stuff I got and have gotten so many compliments!! I owe a great deal of that to Whit and her amazing sense of fashion – she picked out stuff for me that I never would have even looked at twice. Can you believe I bought a zebra print blouse? I couldn't… but I love it and got so many compliments when I wore it to church last Sunday.

On Saturday, ScottE and I went out with Brian and Whitney and saw the new Harry Potter movie and went to dinner at Red Robin; then we did some grocery shopping (mostly because we really needed some food in our house!). All in all, it was an absolutely fabulous day and I loved all of my Facebook comments as well! ;)

I haven't been going to Philly as much or really at all the past few weeks, because the family has been keeping me busy with hanging out and baby-sitting. I am really grateful for the time I've been able to spend with them, because I am really beginning to feel like a part of the family. I was recently experiencing some significant feelings of exclusion. A large part of why we moved up here to NE PA was so I could spend more time with the family, and for some reason that wasn't happening. No one would call me for help. I am still unsure if it is more of laying down new habits or if it's because they assume I am going down to Philly to see ScottE. Either way, it seems like it's mostly been cleared up. I feel like I am being included in more things and that everyone really wants me around. It's a really nice feeling!

Jana's stay here with me really brought us closer. If for nothing else, it was nice to get to know each other a little better and spend such a concentrated amount of time together. It was sometimes challenging with the kids because they wanted to go home and sleep in their own beds (I didn't blame them one bit!), but overall it was an eye-opening and lovely experience. Not quite sure I want 5 kids anymore! ;) lol

June 30, 2011

Potential and Privilege

For whatever reason, I have this notion that every blog I post has to be deep and meaningful, that there has to be something behind it other than just the notion to write. I love to write and love to write just for the sake of writing, but I don't like writing about the everyday minutia or boring things that happen every day. I don't want my blog to be full of entries that are just the same, just blah. So I've been trying to come up with some things that are more meaningful, at least to me and more interesting for my readers, i.e. you.

As luck would have it, I had a relatively meaningful experience a few weeks ago. This was something that I meant to write about earlier, but just didn't take the time to do so. So, here I am… trying to make sense of the experience, put it into words and share with the world around me. I've heard it said that writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia. Not sure if I entirely agree with that, but it definitely takes a certain type of person to write and have others not only understand but enjoy the work.

My branch here in Montrose has organized a group for the women to meet together and discuss gospel principles. Twice a year, the Church holds what is known as General Conference in which the leaders of the Church speak to the members about given issues/topics. Then, the following month, the Church publishes the talks in the monthly magazine known as the Ensign. For the month of May, we studied a talk given by a wonderful man named Dieter F. Uchtdorf. He spoke of the authority granted to the men of our Church and how many of them fail to live up to their true potential in this calling.

As women, we were trying to find what it was that we could do to help our men live up to their fullest potential. After some personal reflection and guidance from my fellow sisters, my biggest challenge is to put my "do it switch" to the "now" position. I constantly find myself putting things off until the last minute and then rushing around like a chicken with my head cut off because I didn't do my work when I had the time. Instead I tend to sit around and do nothing, rest and watch TV, or whatever. I am getting better about things, but Ender also likes to watch movies too… just today he asked if he could watch Tron!

Regardless of where my "do it switch" is at the moment, I need to make an effort to turn it to the "now" position on a much more regular basis. I feel better, the house looks better and life is much happier! ;)

Temple Trip

In my haste to talk about road kill, I forgot to mention our trip to the temple last weekend. I recently had the distinct impression that we would get pregnant after we had gone to the temple and Ender started walking. Well… at least one of those requisites has been achieved! Ender is doing pretty well with standing on his own and has taken some steps, but is still a bit out of walking on his own. ScottE and I hadn't been to the temple since I got pregnant with Ender which was more than 2.5 years ago. I really felt like we needed to make getting there a priority. It gets to be really tough because of ScottE's work schedule and the fact that he really only has one day a week to do things around the house and/or relax. We finally made the decision that this was something we really wanted to do and made the goofy choice of going to D.C. rather than Palmyra (D.C. is 5 hours away from where we live; Palmyra is only 2 hours). However, we wanted to go and see Carter and Jessica who live in Virginia and not very far from the D.C. temple. It became an all-day affair. We arrived around noon and had some time to kill until Carter got off work.

We went to the Smithsonian Air and Space museum! We brought a babysitter with us (a very willing and able young man named Jared from our branch) to watch Ender while we were in the temple. The boys had a lot of fun looking at all of the machines and gadgets. I got pretty bored pretty fast but I'm not really the museum-going-type. I like to sit and talk or watch a movie, not spend the afternoon on my feet. Ender was really tired because he didn't nap the entire drive down and he doesn't do well sitting still. He likes to be moving constantly. All things considered, he did pretty well for an almost 2 year old.

Shortly before Carter got off work, we headed back to their apartment to finish the preparations for dinner. Upon Carter's arrival, we had dinner and then prepared to depart to the temple. Traffic was relatively light which made our rush to attend our desired time slot a little less stressful.

I had forgotten how peaceful and quiet the temple can be. As soon as we walked in, my cares and worries vanished. I felt calm and complete. While sitting with ScottE after our session, I said a prayer to myself. I reflected on the things that I had learned and relearned and asked what more I could do to become the Daughter that He would like for me to become. Very clearly, I heard 3 things, very simple come back to me in my own voice. I was reminded of the importance of daily Scripture study, daily prayer and writing daily. These have been emphasized on an increasing basis to me, both in Church lessons and in personal reflection.

Since our trip, I have been trying to keep up with these three things. I have found that I sleep better when I read and say my prayers at night. But with our bedtime becoming later and later, it's been difficult for me to do both. I have been trying to at least read every night. Some weeks I do really well, others, not so much. But the point is that I'm trying.

As far as writing is concerned, I am doing my best. Some days I write and write, while others I only think about it. Again, I am trying… and that's really all I can do for now, is strive with all that I have to do better.

June 18, 2011

Roadkill and a Novel

It may be a strange thing to think about, but as I was driving today, I couldn’t help but notice the road kill. Out in California, there are always cats and dogs, sometimes you’ll see (or rather smell) a skunk or two, but that’s generally it for the drive-by critters. Out here in rural PA is another story. I often see – deer, skunks, groundhogs, beavers, rabbits, and of course cats and dogs (although dogs, not very often). But today, I saw one of the saddest things. Someone had hit a turtle! It was a pretty big one too. I can’t imagine hitting a turtle. The other day, ScottE saw a small one on the side of the road. After nearly hitting it, he turned around and put it in the bed of the pickup to take to our little Thomas who was overjoyed to have it (it has since disappeared into their yard somewhere). I never thought I would see turtles on the side of the road. Just another sign of how life’s choices can forever change your perspective on life.

Another thing that happened today was my cousin got married!! I am so happy for her because she has found a terrific guy who understands her through and through. I wish them all the best and am hoping to be able to see them when they come to the east coast for their honeymoon ;) lol

At the rate of our procreation (which is at a significant stalemate at the moment), it seems as though our family will not grow to the 5 children we had thought we were planning for. For the most part, I think that I am okay with that because it was my impression that we were going to have that many. My thoughts may change in time (or perhaps Heavenly Father has some different plans for us) but for now, I’m almost resigned to think we will only have 2 or 3. It would make our car buying options a bit more open! ;) lol But the number of children we are going to have is not really the topic at hand… at least not right now. I constantly have a running list of names going through my mind. I don’t know if this is because we are supposed to have a bunch of children, or if perhaps there is a different purpose. After a relatively lengthy conversation with my sister-in-law, Jessica, I think I have decided that part of why I have so many names in my head is because I have a book to write. I have always enjoyed reading and writing but never thought I would sit down and crank out a novel. I am unsure if I will seek publication, but for now, I am content to try to find the story within. I went to Barnes & Noble and picked up a couple of books on writing and I am currently reading one on character and viewpoint development. I’ve considered writing a memoir too, but I’m not sure that will work out for the best. I think fiction is really the way to go for me and I’m actually pretty excited about it! I just need to stay disciplined and block out some time every day to write. If I do that then I know I can come up with some great ideas. I just hope the little man cooperates!

Wish me luck!

June 15, 2011

Choices

It is amazing how life turns out sometimes. I never thought I would live anywhere but the central valley of California. I never thought I would call someplace else home. I have had the privilege of going home multiple times since my move out here more than 2 years ago, but it's really nit home to me anymore. I know that I have only been in PA for just over 2 years and that I lived in Cali for more than 20, but PA is so much more home. I just don't feel the peace there that I do here. I do, however miss the dry heat. I would take 100* heat any day over the humidity that we deal with here, especially in Philly. I do not like feeling like I am wet all over!
Another thing that has surprised me over the years is how it seems strange to see my maiden name. I know the Lawsons are very much a part of me (and the Rogers too), but I feel like I've always been Holman. Occasionally I will see something with my maiden name on it and it just looks so weird to me. I know that I have only been Holman for 6 years out of my nearly 25, but it suits me and I am eternally grateful for the name and the family that has come with it.

For some reason, ScottE and I got onto topic of past choices and what we could or should have done differently. While I typically think of my life as one of some poor choices, I usually chalk everything up to what was meant to be. But today I was listening to the song "Letter to Me" by Brad Paisley and it got me thinking about what I would write if I could send myself a letter at 17. That was a time in my life when I was making some major decisions, choices that have had a great impact on the person that I am now. It was when I lost my virginity. It was when I listened to the LDS missionaries for the first time. It was when I decided to move away from my family to be with the man I knew I would marry. It was a time of profound impact, good and bad. I don't want to say that I regret any of those choices (except perhaps the choice to engage in premarital sex) because if I hadn't made the choices I did, it is likely I wouldn't be where I am today. It is possible that ScottE and I could have ended up together. It is possible that we could still have our precious little boy. But the fact remains that we just don't know. I too often play the "what if" game with myself and wind up strolling down memory lane, wondering if I always made the right choices in life. Remembering and wallowing are very different and I hope I manage to only do the former. I don't want to wallow in my past. It's in the past for a reason. While there are some things I occasionally wish I had done differently, for the most part, I am pretty happy with where I am in my life right now. I think the only real wish I have is to have another baby and that's something that should come with time and practice ;-)

June 2, 2011

A New Process

Yesterday was a pretty good day. I got to run into town and feel accomplished. I participated in my school stuff and got the minimum completed for now. I got inventory processed for ScottE and got to spend time with my boy. I got to watch some cool racing and beautiful men (i.e. Vin Diesel!). I even restarted LOTR, which is always a bonus in my book! ;-) I think that I've finally found a way to write everyday... I know that it won't be fail proof because I know there will be days that I want to write and ScottE will be home or we will be out running errands or something, but I'm taking full advantage of this app! I just discovered a lot of new features. While I don't particularly like typing on my phone (as opposed to using the computer), it's a lot easier because I can more easily put it down and walk away when Ender should need something. He doesn't really like me sitting at the computer much and with how much he likes buttons, it's tough to have him on my lap anymore while I'm trying to work. I think this is a reasonable solution for now ;-)

I started a new blog today for Ender. I think that someday we will look back on it and be very grateful that I did. There is already so much that I've forgotten and he's not even 2! I think this is something I will do for all of my children... I hope they will appreciate all of the work that I put into it for them...

Anyway, now that this is just for me ;) lol... I felt pretty good yesterday. I've been easing into a new diet. I recently tried to do a round of the hcG diet which is great and I lost 11 pounds, but it was way too hard and even easier to cheat. I did really well for the first bit, but lost momentum and felt I couldn't go on. This new diet that I have been introduced to, though, is much more doable... I've just been needing to ease I to it because I have to greatly reduce (okay, eliminate) my sugar intake and there are too many things in the house that are still a temptation. I am slowly eating everything, but I am also trying to eat better all around. More veggies and less processed stuff. The only issue that I have with this diet is that the only snack option it gave for my body type (it's called the body type diet) is a hard boiled egg. I HATE hard boiled eggs!! I'll eat them almost any other way, but NOT hard boiled. I guess I just need to do a little more research to see what other options there are for me. I really think this is going to work for me though! I want to lose about 20 pounds, so it's going to take time, but I'm willing to be patient ;)

Other than dieting, life is good. School is going well. I feel like I'm fitting in with the group that I've been placed with pretty well and my team assignments have been smoother. I'm a little worried about finding a job because the economy is so on the fritz and districts are currently fighting to just keep the teachers they have. Hopefully I'll be able to get my foot in the door somewhere, somehow and something will open up for me.

Until later...

May 13, 2011

Motorcycles, Daffodils and Physical Therapy

I have had a lot of things running around in my old brain pan... but have not taken the time to write things out like I know that I should. ScottE and I had a stupid fight the other day and I took a bit of time to begin the process of purging my feelings and realized how much better I felt after doing so. I realize this is not always possible as I hate my handwriting and am not always near a computer. My phone is often a great resource, but it is currently out of commission because I am a duffus and updated it without thinking. I am hoping to remedy that soon.

What has been going on with me? you may or may not be asking yourself. For the most part, life has been treating us pretty well. ScottE is currently in Dallas, Texas with Papa Greg to obtain a motorcycle. So, I am here, alone as I so frequently am. Most of the time I don't mind, but over the weekend is unusual. I am coping though.

Spring is in full swing here and the world is green again. A couple of weeks ago, I was privileged to go on a motorcycle ride with ScottE and Papa Greg. We rode down to our old stomping grounds of Mount Joy. It was about a 3 hour trek and on a motorcycle, that's a really long time. It was a very enjoyable time though. Initially it was cold, but eventually it warmed up sufficiently and we got to shed some layers. It is such an incredible experience on a motorcycle. The world looks so much different and you are really able to see things much more clearly. When we went, spring was just getting started and many flowers were in bloom – including two of my absolute favorites, tulips and daffodils. They were so beautiful. I can't wait to plant some around our house!

As we were riding, I kept thinking about this time when I was in junior high. My mom spent a lot of time working on our flower beds. I couldn't say how much, but I know that she was proud of her work and would hate to see someone destroy it. I had just gotten home from school and I saw these kids picking my mom's flowers. I was furious! I ran outside, screaming, “You get back here with my mom's flowers!” I never saw where they went, but they dropped the daffodils around the corner. I picked them up and brought them into the house to be put in a vase. When my mom got home, I told her what happened because she saw the flowers in the vase. She dubbed me the “Keeper of the Daffodils.” It was an eventful day to say the least, but I was proud.

I hope that I can continue to be the “Keeper of the Daffodils” and grow some of my own someday. Perhaps one of my children will continue with the tradition and become “Keepers” themselves.

In other news, Ender is doing well. His vocabulary never ceases to amaze me. He is very much a parrot already, which means I have to be careful what I say. Not to say that I use inappropriate language, but it is amazing how words change when they are heard from the mouth of a child. It reminds me of when my oldest niece was 3 and said the word “stupid.” Not really a bad word, but definitely not appropriate for a toddler to be saying!

Today, we were sitting in the living room and I had the windows open because the weather has been so beautiful. I have a box fan on a table and the wind was coming through and spun the fan blades. Not really thinking anything of it, I hear Ender say, “Oooo! Cool!” It was so adorable and incredibly unexpected. He's growing up way to fast!

Ender's physical therapy is going well. We had his initial appointment last week and he had another appointment today. He is standing a lot more and trying to transfer from articles of furniture. He is trying to develop his balance and his therapist says that he is making great progress. For the time being, he has weekly appointments. I have exercises to do with him everyday and hopefully he will be more independent soon! He already is pretty independent, but it would be wonderful if I didn't have to carry him every time we needed to go somewhere!

Hopefully May will be a month full of creativity and wonder. The weather has been fantastic but I am hoping to really get into a groove of writing on a regular basis as well as participating in my school forums more consistently. Wish me luck! ;)

April 2, 2011

Ford Girl

I've been telling more friends and family about my blog and as a consequence have been thinking more and more about writing, at least in general. I constantly have this running monologue in my head about what I would write if I had the availability to sit down and write just then, but most of the time these things go on at the most inopportune moments – usually when I'm driving. If someone has a suggestion to remedy this issue, please, speak up! I'm dying to get these ideas on paper (or at least screen), but have no idea how to document them as they come. I don't feel that speaking them aloud is plausible because of Ender and also because my thoughts are rarely one tracked. I usually get off on some tangent and then come back around to my original track and get off again at some point. It would be really confusing to try to decipher my thoughts that way! Any suggestions though, I am very much open! ;)

So, what exactly, you might be asking has been circling my brain pan? Oddly enough, stuff about cars. As I was driving home yesterday, I kept thinking about my dream car – namely what I would be dreaming of driving if I weren't so bent on ensuring we had something for the large (or at least more than 3 children) family we've been anticipating we would have. I was thinking about cars versus SUVs and the benefits of both. Much to the chagrin of my parents, I am oddly brand loyal. I am very much a Ford girl, through and through. ;) Even in the area we live now, I would be able to use a car, so long as it had All-Wheel drive. My first choice would be a Taurus or a Fusion. If money were no object, I would still like to stay in the “Ford family” and I would get a Lincoln of the same models.

However, given our circumstances, I have planned to eventually acquire an Expedition, as my first choice anyway. I wouldn't mind a Freestyle, but they are more difficult to come by and don't have a lot of cargo room or ground clearance. Someday, I will get the car of my dreams... for the time being, though, I am grateful to have a vehicle to get me from point A to point B. Right now that vehicle is a Chevy Tahoe. Alas, my dream of being a Ford family has been temporarily dashed, but I know that one day, ScottE and I will both be driving Ford trucks!! ;)

Aside from my day dreaming of Fords, there has been a great deal of other things on my mind... namely getting Ender motivated to walk and getting back into school. As far as Ender is concerned, I have gotten him started in the process of enrolling him in Early Intervention. His coordinator came by for an initial meeting and interview on Wednesday. She asked some preliminary questions to get a base line for what programs should be provided for Ender. I will be getting more information from her soon – 2-3 weeks from Wednesday (I'm assuming).

On a very excited note, I will be going back to school on Tuesday!! I am super thrilled to be getting back into my routine and finishing my degree. My brief sabbatical has pushed back my graduation a bit, so I won't be finishing until September of 2012, but I really needed a break. Constant enrollment in a class and not having a break for the past year and a half or so was very tiring, regardless of the fact that it's “only online.” Many have given me a hard time about going to school online rather than going to a traditional school. I agree that online is a lot easier and sometimes I wish I had gone to a brick and mortar. But the thing of it is, I really wanted to be home for my children. I didn't want to have to find a babysitter or pay for daycare. I wanted to raise my children myself. I knew that if I enrolled in a traditional school, when I did have children, I would either drop out and not finish, or would go bankrupt trying to care for my children. I didn't want either. When the opportunity to go presented itself, I really put my foot down with ScottE and expressed to him how important it was for me to start now rather than waiting “until the perfect time” because I knew that would never come. There would always be something standing in the way of me and my education. It may not be the best there is and it may be “easier” than other routes, but it works for me and mine.

I am also glad that Winter is going away! We have been getting a mild sprinkling this week, but most of the snow has melted and given way to an abundance of mud. It's still pretty cold out there, but things are getting better. Today has actually been a pretty day! ;)

Life is going to get pretty hectic as I try to reestablish my routine for school and spending time with an ever increasingly active little boy. I'm sure I will find the motivation to take advantage of his nap times and get things done during the day rather than waiting until night time / the last minute to accomplish my goals for the day. Wish me luck!

March 22, 2011

A trip to Cabela's ;)

Well... I had started a blog and then got lost in it and realized that I really didn't need or want to go into all of the stuff that I did. So, instead of rewriting, I've decided to just start over. ;)

As always, I feel the need to start with the current weather. We had most of the snow melted and then we've had a surprise storm sneak up on us. The ground is once again covered in a clean blanket of white and we're expecting more snow tomorrow. It's been nice to be rid of the ice, but the ground has become squishy and slightly disgusting. Walking on it is tough and driving through it is even more difficult at times. Regardless, we are doing the best we can to survive.

Last Friday was Ender's first doctor's appointment in way too long. Everything has checked out pretty well for the most part. He's pretty much on track with his vocabulary (which increases daily!), but the doctor was a little concerned about the fact that he is still not walking. She advised that I get in touch with the “early intervention” program of PA and they would observe him and possibly implement some kind of physical therapy program. I'm not all that concerned because he has been making some great strides of late. He lets us hold his hands, but he has to pull himself up – we can't stand him up. He has been climbing up and down from the couch by himself and he is pushing up on his hands and walking around on his feet with his little bum in the air. I just know that he will be walking within the next couple of weeks! ;)

I still have to get him caught up on his shots and get some blood work done but I am so very grateful to have found a great pediatrician!

Speaking of Ender's vocabulary... he has really taken to parroting what we say. We ask him to repeat what we say when he wants something. His pronunciation isn't quite perfect yet, but he is really trying. He watches our mouths to try to figure out how we are saying the words. It's so adorable to listen to him imitate what we say. Over the course of the next few days, I'm going to try to write down all of the words he says spontaneously.

This past weekend was a lot of fun. We didn't really do anything to celebrate St. Patrick's Day because neither of us are Irish enough to justify it and we kind of view it as an excuse for people to just go out and get drunk. Not being drinkers ourselves, it just seems a little silly – at least for us... that doesn't mean we dislike the holiday or find those that celebrate it to be ridiculous or anything like that. ;) Anyway... Saturday we went to Cabela's with Mama and Papa Liggett. We went with the intention of finding some cold weather clothes, possibly a shotgun and very likely a bunch of ammo. Being the weekend, the store was pretty packed. Initially it was tough just to navigate the store. ScottE and Papa Greg were looking at the shotguns while Mama Cathy, Ender and I went looking throughout the rest of the store. The only issue that I usually have with Ender while shopping is when I stop to look at stuff... plus he was really tired because he refused to nap on our way down. I was irritated and frustrated because I couldn't really do any shopping. We decided to go to lunch and come back to the store.

After lunch we returned to Cabela's. Mama wasn't feeling up to dealing with the crowds again, so she stayed in the Jeep with Ender. I was really grateful because I was able to actually get out and enjoy myself! This is not to say that I don't enjoy spending time with my son... because I really do, but when he starts fussing every time I stop to look at something, it makes it tough to really like going shopping.

Anyway, ScottE really wanted to get a shotgun and I was all for it, but I didn't really feel like standing around waiting to get helped. The boys stayed and looked at the guns, waiting for some assistance, so I decided I wanted to roam the store a little more and see if there was anything that I just couldn't live without. There wasn't ;( so I went back to the gun counter... After a bunch of deliberation, they didn't have the one that ScottE really wanted, which is a Maverick. I reminded him that they sell it at Wal-Mart, so we decided to look at some handguns real quick and then be on our way.

I had kind of roamed the counters to see if there was anything that I really wanted to look at... there wasn't anything that really caught my eye. But ScottE was really determined to get me back into guns. I haven't really felt like shooting or even handling guns since I first got pregnant with Ender. I have a distinct feeling that will change very soon! ;)

We started looking at some of the used guns and I found one that fits my hand perfectly and I can break down with ease! It's a Smith and Wesson M&P. I was kind of hoping to get a 40mm, but ended up getting a 9mm. This one comes with a laser grip and we got it for only $599! It sells brand new for $730 and that's on sale!! Of course that is without the laser grip... I will be headed back to Cabela's to pick it up tomorrow... I'M SUPER EXCITED!!!

In other news... I'm currently sitting in a hotel room and Ender is actually napping, which is a minor miracle. It's been tough getting him to nap lately and I'm very grateful for the current reprieve.

I have a few other things that I want to get done before he wakes up, so until later... ;)

March 10, 2011

Anniversary celebration

I thought that Winter had released her icy grip from my little place in the world, but alas, I was wrong. This last weekend we got nearly as much snow as we had all winter! It's been pretty crazy and slightly overwhelming, but we've been getting a lot of help from a family here in our branch. We've been pretty much adopted by the Liggetts. It's been nice having parental and grand-parental figures here in town. Greg has been really helpful. . . watching out for me and Ender as well as taking ScottE out on tow calls.

In addition to the snow, ScottE and I celebrated 6 years of marriage this past Saturday! The Liggetts watched Ender for us and we went to dinner and a movie. We saw Beastly which was pretty good, totally predictable in the literal sense and geared toward the mostly teen crowd, but it was an enjoyable take on the classic story of Beauty and the Beast. Looking back, I kind of wish we had gone to Longhorn Steakhouse instead of the Chinese buffet we decided on, but mostly, no regrets about much. :)

In other news, Ender is standing up!! He pulls up on furniture and is not quite cruising yet, but he's standing up and is very proud of himself. I give him lots of encouragement and do what I can to get him to stand up as often as I think of it. He is also kind of walking around... he keeps his hands on the ground and sticks his little bum up in the air (which is ADORABLE!), but he's not standing up quite yet. I think I have finally found a doctor for him and he has an appointment next Friday. I am really hoping that he's walking by then! ;)

Getting back into school is still a major goal for me. I am really hoping to get my fingerprint clearance card within the next few days so that I can return to class. I was really needing a break and am very grateful to have had this recent sabbatical, but I'm looking forward to completing my degree. I can't do that if I'm not in school! ;) lol

Other than that, life is pretty normal and relatively happy. :) I didn't get to go and see ScottE this week which made both of us a little sad, but it makes this weekend that much more special. No news on the pregnancy front just yet, but I will keep everyone updated as the news transpires. ;)

March 2, 2011

Too much TV

I feel like winter is coming to an end. The snow is beginning to melt and life will soon be getting back to normal. I've been trying to get out more and not just to hotels (which I'm sitting in right now). I'm trying to spend more time with family... it's still a work in progress, but I think I'm really starting to get better about not spending all of my time at home. I'm still watching too much TV, but I'm working to stop that too.

I've looked back over my past few posts of my Gratitude and Prayer blog and it seems that I continue to need to work on the same things – patience, time management and being in the moment. I don't like to repeat myself (just as ScottE, he'll tell you). I find myself in the same arguments, fighting the same problems. I am a big procrastinator, always have been. I've been trying desperately to fix this, but am finding a serious lack of motivation. When I get up in the morning (which is not as early as it should be), I make breakfast and then sit down in front of the TV. I only plan to watch one episode of something and then set to work on the house, but that one episode turns into 3 before Ender goes down for his nap. Then I tell myself that I'll only watch one more while I wait for Ender to be fully asleep, and that one more turns into another 3. I know the only way to really solve the problem is to not turn the TV on in the first place, but I really enjoy having something to do while eating. What's a girl to do?

I have been trying to get my attitude under control. Things are better when I get to see ScottE on a regular basis, but it's a lot of work getting everything together to come and stay in a hotel for part of the week. Hanging out, waiting for ScottE to get done with work is almost like being at home doing the exact same thing; I just don't have everything that I would normally have on hand. The best part is the fact that I get to spend time with ScottE! ;)

This Saturday, ScottE and I will be celebrating 6 years of marriage. It's hard to believe that I've been married for that long! Especially looking around at the world and seeing the divorce rate going up on a constant basis, especially in those my age. This is not to say that ScottE and I haven't had our problems... because we've had more than our fair share. But with each passing day, I realize how truly lucky I am and how very grateful I am that I don't have to worry about dating, or finding someone to complete me. Because I'm already complete! I do not envy those who are trying to find that perfect someone... ScottE knows me. He knows what I like and what I don't. He knows what to say to snap me out of a bad mood. He knows how to make me laugh, make me happy. I really wouldn't want to reteach someone all of those things. New relationships are fun. They are full of giddiness and butterflies. You know what though? They are also full of uncertainty. Knowing your partner inside and out makes everyday meaningful. It may seem mundane or at times boring, but I would not change my life for the world!!

Ender is growing up... I've posted some new pictures and a video on Facebook. I hope that you all enjoy them. I'm going to be making a greater effort to take more pictures and to write more. I hope to avoid the mundane, but mundane is better than nothing. ;)

February 10, 2011

Unanswered Prayers

Why is it that I seem to want to write more when I'm sitting in a hotel room? It's not like I'm doing anything differently than I would be at home... perhaps it's because Ender is in the same room and I can't talk on the phone or really do anything else that may make noise. When at home, I usually will do the house work before sitting down to watch TV. Right now the only thing I can do is type (which makes a little noise) and watch TV because his playpen is pretty close to the sink so I can't exactly do the few dishes that need to be done... so here I am ;)

As I was driving yesterday, the song “Unanswered Prayers” by Garth Brooks came on. When I was younger, I didn't really like the saying “the man upstairs.” I found it disrespectful and rude. This is not to say that I like the saying more now than I did then, that's not the case. I guess I just better understand why people call Him that now for some reason. At any rate, I started thinking about the concept of an “unanswered prayer.” I've come to the realization that this statement is an unfair assessment of not getting what you want. Just because we didn't get what we asked for doesn't mean the prayer wasn't answered.

I equate this to my relationship with Ender or any parental relationship for that matter... just because a child asks for something, does not necessarily mean that he or she will get what they asked for – or even immediately. Right now I am trying desperately to teach Ender patience. He asks for something and expects to get it right away. I try to appease him as best I can, but sometimes I am doing something and I can't give him what he wants. His latest thing is wanting to be held while I cook. Sometimes I can hold him, but other times, I need both of my hands! He screams and cries and I do what I can to console him, but it's tough...

So how must Heavenly Father feel when we throw a fit or write a song about not getting what we want? I realize that most adults don't scream and cry just because they don't get what they want right away, but this song really strikes a chord with me. It makes me think about my attitude and how I react to things, but mostly it reminds me that Heavenly Father wants what is best for us, just like we do for our earthly children. I know that my Heavenly Father loves me. I know that he wants what is best for me and my family. I know that sometimes it takes patience and acceptance before I can get what I want and/or need. Does this knowledge make things easier? Not really, but it's a comfort to know and understand these things because someday, I will be okay with these concepts. Right now, it's nice to contemplate the theory of my acceptance. ;)

February 4, 2011

Journey Home

The events of today have been pretty crazy to put it mildly. It started off as a really good day. I set off from the hotel, got breakfast and fuel for me and headed home. The truck was running great and while Ender wasn't sleeping like I had hoped, he was in a decent mood, as usual. We were about 3 or so miles south of Wilkes-Barre when I heard this pop. Initially I thought that maybe something in the bed had settled or that maybe I had hit something or something had hit me without realizing it. The car behind me slowed down and put on their hazards, so I thought the best course of action would be to pull over to check on the truck. I walked around the back, checked all of my cargo, nothing looked out of place. So I thought it best to check the tires because as I neared the side of the road, it started driving funny. The passenger side looked fine and upon rounding the back quarter, I found the culprit – my back tire had blown out. I started FREAKING OUT... internally of course, but still...

I called ScottE right away. I do know how to change a tire but I was sure that we didn't have a jack or a lug wrench in the truck. I had no idea what I was going to do because I knew that he was at least a couple of hours away, plus he still had a site to complete. He decided to call our buddy Greg who is a tow truck driver. A few minutes later he called me back and said that Greg was actually on his way south and that he was just north of Wilkes-Barre which made this difficult situation a bit easier to handle.

I got instruction on how to lower the spare so that I had something to do while I waited to be rescued. Plus I knew that Greg was doing us a monstrous favor and I didn't want to take more of his time than was absolutely necessary. I got the spare lowered and tried to get the hook off so that it would be ready upon Greg's arrival. Not ever having removed a spare from a pick-up truck, I had no idea how this device worked!

So I went back into the truck and called ScottE, again. He explained it to me and suggested that I extend the wire all the way out so that I could pull the spare completely out from under the truck and then remove the hook. After a lot of finagling, I was able to get the spare out and ready.

I think that had I just sat in the truck it would have seemed like an eternity for Greg to get there. Fortunately, I had something to do. After I finally got it done, in no time at all, my hero arrived! I was sitting on a two-lane stretch of the turnpike and traffic wasn't all that heavy but rather disrespectful – most of them refused to get into the left lane, even when there was plenty of time and space to do so. Greg was flabbergasted.

In what seemed like 5 minutes, the tire was off and replaced, something I totally would have been able to do had I had the proper equipment... but after we got the spare on and synched down, we realized we had another problem – there wasn't enough air in the tire! Normally Greg would have just used the chuck on his tow truck, but apparently it is not currently in working order. Fortunately there was enough air in the spare for me to limp the truck the 2 miles up the turnpike to the nearest exit and the 0.5 mile or so down the ramp to the nearest gas station. However once we got there, we found out that their compressor wasn't working because of the cold. Greg bought a little air pump that plugs into the cigarette lighter. It took a little while but we were able to get air in the tire so that I could make it home.

And after stopping at Wal-Mart, I did just that.

What did you do today?

February 3, 2011

Catharsis

Well, well... it's now into February and no blog from the world the Holmans of northeast PA. A lot and yet nothing at all has changed since my last post... Thanksgiving came and went with an air of gratitude and fellowship. Our trip out to California was eventful, slightly stressful, but most importantly a lot of fun. We got to see a lot of people we (or at least ScottE) hadn't seen in some time and ScottE got to spend a lot of time working on cars which is something he greatly enjoys but has very little time to do on a regular basis.

The stressful part came when we were ready to come home... we planned to drive home, in a car that we co-signed for – the current owner is unable to make the payments and is wanting something smaller that gets better fuel mileage – but after a lot of debate was unable to give up the car because she has nothing else to drive. Completely understandable since she is a single mother and needs to work, but the problem was we bought one-way tickets in anticipation of our drive home and she had told us that we could take possession of the car because we had been making the payments for both the loan and the insurance for the past few months. Suffice it to say that we ended up flying home with the promise of delivery of our car within the next few months. We'll just have to wait and see.

I don't know if I've mentioned this at all to anyone, but in November we decided to try to sell our car. Initially I was hesitant because I really like having a car because it makes getting around for just me and Ender much easier. I wasn't ready to give that up so easily, but after much deliberation, we decided it was best for the family in the long run. About a week into 2011, the car sold!! We were kind of surprised but very grateful that the car sold so quickly and easily... we even made a bit of a profit! So we have a car loan paid off and will soon be inheriting another... c'est la vie.

In addition to selling our car, we are planning to buy a 4 wheel drive. We've been having some pretty crazy storms lately and right now we can't even get up our own driveway! It's been a little frustrating and slightly embarrassing, but we are surviving and I guess that is what really counts. ;)

Aside from all of the news about our past and future transportation, things are going relatively well. Ender's vocabulary expands with every hour and he's nearly grown a mouthful of teeth (I think he has 13 or 14 now). He's still not walking which is a bit of a concern but for the most part I'm not worried. He's freaking brilliant and grows smarter everyday. He's learning his colors – he can't yet identify other items but he has several toy balls of different colors and he knows which one is green and which one is yellow. He tries to mimic what we say and his taste buds are developing... he doesn't like hot stuff as much as he used to. He is already beginning to develop the attitude of a 2 year old and he's not even 18 months old yet!!

As it's been said, the only constant in life is change. Things have been changing in my life, some due to my own choices, others due to the choices of those in my life. For the most part, these changes have been positive. I'm really trying to take the baby steps towards making my life what I really want it to be. I know that it's going to take time to establish the habits I want and it's hard to not get caught up in the “all or nothing” mentality and then fall into bad habits. I have good days and bad, but I'm trying and that's what counts, right?

One of the biggest things that I want to work on is writing more. I forget (and I know I say this a lot!) how cathartic it is to sit down and get all of my feelings out in the open. It really doesn't matter if I actually post it to the world or not. What really matters is getting everything off my chest and in the world of a journal or a word processor.

Another thing that I'm working on is losing some weight. I have about 25ish pounds that I would like to lose. I know that so many use the new year to establish new habits, but I would like to think that I have been trying to do these new things throughout the past year and am really wanting this year to be better than the last. I'm looking for healthier recipes and an exercise program that is neither boring nor overly strenuous. I'm also cutting down on my portions and that seems to be helping at least a little. ;) and I'm open to suggestions from anyone...

School is currently on hold because of procrastination on my part. I needed to get some testing done and fingerprints taken and processed. I've gotten the testing done and the kit for the fingerprints has arrived, but I have to go to a certified technician (i.e. the police department) but I have to pay for the processing. It's been a bit of a process, but it's in the works and I'm hoping to be back to school within the month.

I don't know why it takes me so long to sit down and write an update... perhaps because sometimes it feels a bit overwhelming. I definitely will be posting some pictures soon, whether on here or Facebook, I'm not sure yet. First I need to take some pictures! ;) anyway... I'm sitting in a hotel, listening to Ender not take his nap and wondering what I'm going to do to pass the time of today. I'm sure that I'll think of something. I've missed this feeling! (and my laptop ;) )